Fighting

I have been trying to think of what to write on here all day.

School is such a big part of everything right now and it seems all my posts are just full of how angry I am at the school. It isn’t like they don’t provide enough ammunition.
Today I have been stressed. My laptop had to go back to be repaired again and Dinky has broken the iPhone 3GS I had 2 years ago (that she uses as an iPod touch). I am not looking forward to Thursday and starting the PTSD group in earnest. My mind has been trying to see ahead to the TAC but without my laptop (which is easier to work on than the iPad), I can’t get my ideas down, and for some reason I always have the best ideas when I’m walking or trying to get some sleep!

Today I have been trying to work out how to play the TAC, as part of me doesn’t see any point in being there. It isn’t so much a ‘team around the child’, it is much more a battle against the school with professionals that don’t actually know Dinky that well either! The way I see it I have a few options…

I could not turn up.

I could go and not talk and when people ask me I could say I am only taking notes as it is not like anyone pays the slightest bit of notice to what I say anyway!

I could turn up, rearrange the seating and lead the thing myself and still get no where.

I could have a very frank discussion by which I explain that I am under a lot of stress as it is and the school are not helping matters. Communication is a big issue what with the meltdown yesterday and today… Well.

Yesterday I got Dinky’s contact book which says:

Mostly a good day after tricky misunderstanding this morning with 1:1.

To which I replied

Yes, it was a tricky start. I believe the office staff got to see what happens when the plan changes and trying to get dinky to ‘wait patiently’ for any length of time. I was a little confused as dinky ‘no longer does phonics’ anyway, however this wasn’t the reason she started coming through the office. I would very much appreciate it if someone could make sure there is always someone to take dinky, as I don’t appreciate being a human punchbag. It is bad enough being one after school as it is

.

So this morning dinky goes in and there is an apologetic 1:1 who says she was told she didn’t need to get dinky yesterday. Dinky goes in fine.
Contact book today:

Dinky has 1:1 phonics :)
Dinky has found it difficult to be in class this afternoon, no particular reason identified. She has been with SLT and yr6 teacher.

My reply

The first thing dinky told me about her day
“Hot dinners were not allowed in the hall. So went where the photographs were taken and it was different. They had white tables and a blue one, like a pattern”.
Maybe a change of routine had something to do with it? Although this may have been too obvious?
Also if you look at the pages written by 1:1 you would see
“It was decided that dinky would read to me rather than do phonics”.
As far as the rest of that week goes (and everytime since) dinky reads. She has 1:1 reading time. Not phonics!

They just don’t seem to know what the hell they are doing.

The family link worker still hasn’t even met dinky yet, and keeps cancelling appointments on the day.
The integrated services woman sent me an email for an event that I am helping out with for the local autism group.

I want to go to the local autism support group meetings over the next two days but I’m not in the social mood. Not with Thursday looming. I’m not even sure I want to go to the meeting afterwards either. I’m in shut down but want to shout out mode.

I’m just sick of always fighting. I’m sick of the school not seeing what is right in front of them, and thinking that I am just another council estate parent with an unruly child looking for an excuse as to why she is the way she is.

I’m just sick of fighting. I have spent my whole life doing it and the fighting never stops, just what I am fighting for.

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