Awkward and uncomfortable situation NOT avoided…

Dinky wanted to go to school, so she did.

I got home and waited for the mind advocate to drop by with the letter requesting a change in nurses. My phone rang, I forgot to save her number but the first 5 numbers were the same as hers so I picked up.
“hi, is this *****? This is S from CMHT.”

Shit! I was so not in the mood to talk to her! I was annoyed that she had already spoken to the mind advocate and still decided to contact me.
I think S might have some self esteem issues of her own! She asked me how I was and I said ‘fine’ and she said I seemed off with her. I wasn’t showing that I was annoyed by her in the beginning of her conversation but in that moment I started to get annoyed with her. I just am not 100% at the moment. I said ” ok maybe I’m not fine, but I will be.” she repeated it and asked if I wanted to talk about it. “no not really” she asked how my Christmas was. I did get a little short with her, “crap, I was in a hostel with my kid.” she asked if dinky liked her space toys. This just shows she wasn’t bloody listening. Yes dinky is still into space but she already has a ton of space toys and wanted avengers and jake and the Neverland pirate toys. I just said yes. It’s easier than explaining that she was wrong. I understand she has lots of people to see and can’t remember everyones little bits and pieces but you’d think she would make accurate notes and have them in front of her when making that call. Maybe not! She asked if I wanted to make another appointment with her. I said not right now. This is where it gets awkward and I get bloody annoyed and have to act civilly and hold my tongue.
S: well. It is ok if you don’t want to see me anymore, I can discharge you back to your GP. Or I can keep your case one with me and you can make an appointment when you feel ready.

In my head: so those are my only fucking choices? See you or go back to my GP? What about… If you don’t want to see me I can get someone else to see you if you feel like you still need the support of CMHT.
While I was thinking there was a small silence

S: it is up to you, I am governed by you, if you don’t feel like you are getting anything out of seeing me then I can always make recommendations to your GP maybe get you going back to the short term counselling service. Or I can leave your case open with me. What would you like to do?

Well, if she shut the case then, I wouldn’t be able to change nurses, so I had to keep my case open.

Me: can you keep the case open please.

S: keep the case open?

Me: yes please.

it was so hard to sound pleasant)

S: hmm, ok, let me know if you feel like making an appointment to see me.

End of call.

Seriously! She makes out my only option is to see her or go back to my GP. Like changing isn’t an option. Sometimes it feels like she just wants me to say ‘yeah, just send me back to the GP’, that way she wouldn’t have to deal with me.
Another thing I didn’t pick up on until now… She said I’m ‘not mentally strong enough for counselling’, yet said she would Make recommendations for me to go back to short term counselling. She contradicts herself so much. Muppet!

When the mind advocate came over I told her about the conversation. Apparently S had tried to coax info out of her too as to why I cancelled the appointment. After I told her about what I thought of the call she said it probably was best I didn’t go this morning otherwise her wordings might have sparked a argument, one that I would pay the price for.

So the letter had been sent, I should hear back next week some time about changing nurses. Which will be a step in the right direction.

Why is it always so much hassle?

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