Snow= chaos! + Tuesday’s breast ultrasound and biopsy

Yesterday dinky had a huge meltdown at the crowded bus stop!
It was a little too much, I had to restrain her to stop her doing a runner. M’s (dinky’s friend) nan who gets the bus home with us regularly asked if dinky get upset much around unexpected loud noises. I said yes, she said it was just that the only times she has seen dinky have meltdowns, it was when the bus stop was crowded.
When I spoke to my dad last night he agreed that it is possible as whenever she has had a meltdown with him, it has always been when there has been a lot going on around them. That must be why she is running off every phonics morning!
The door opens at 8.30 and from that moment it is pure chaos! Half the class and the parents come at 8.30, Kids are putting their stuff away, parents scrambling for seats, and babies normally are crying. More parents and children turn up, then some parents are leaving and more parents and children are coming. More putting stuff away scrambling for seats, children are trying to get the teachers attention to show them their work, the teacher is asking loudly over people to remind them of the days sound. Dinky says she needs to go to the toilet and hides in the tent or behind the puppet theatre outside the room. Both myself and Mrs. N thought it was a way to get out of doing her work but I think it is more likely the chaos. I was going to talk to Mrs.N after school and ask if I could still come at 8.30 to do phonics with dinky but that we go and do it in the library or cherry blossom (small SEN room). I didn’t get a chance as I got phone calls and text messages at about 11.30am to let me know the school was shutting at 1pm, and children were being let go as soon as parents arrived.

I was really considering cancelling my appointment for the ultrasound next week. The childminder can’t seem to find someone to have dinky, and it is hard for her as she has dinky’s friend K on tuesdays (he was diagnosed with high functioning Autism in May/June last year). Dinky and him together in the same room can be very hard for most people. My dad managed it but was shattered afterwards. I’m still considering it, but the childminder said give her some time and she will see if she can get anyone else to have dinky, if not, she will do it. I might have to buy her something nice to say thank you after having them together for 2 hours if she dies end up doing it!

It is just such a hassle not having anyone I can call on if I need help with dinky. Hopefully this appointment will show nothing wrong and it becomes the end of it. I can’t help thinking if it is not the end of it,what the hell am I going to do? What if I need surgery to remove the lump? I know they do day surgery, but I don’t know if I’ll be in and out during school hours, and what if dinky has a meltdown when I pick her up? It’s all stuff I have to prepare for but don’t have any answers for.
Bad times, layered on bad times on a hill of bad times! I guess I could wallow in self pity or get on with it. I choose the latter!

So head up, shoulders back, and bring it on!

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