Last week was last week- what do we have this week?

So last week dinky got a communications book that was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard or trapdoor on a boat.
I went to a housing meeting to be told by everyone I met that dinky sounds autistic/aspergers.
I got a call from the mind advocate telling me I had a new MHN, but no appointment yet.
I went to the doc who told me that I was lucky as I wasn’t on the streets, who said I wasn’t depressed and then the screening came back as positive for depression! Genius these docs in this surgery.
So I’m full scale ranting in my head at the moment.

Feel free to stop reading as this could take a while….
Dinky’s issues first…

To be honest I’m all over the place with dinky and her issues. All these people keep mentioning autism (high functioning end) and aspergers I even had one parent tell me to look up the difference in manifestations between male and female autism as some of the stuff I have said, I have said the teacher has said, she has seen herself, it makes sense.
The school are the ones who first flagged things up but the teacher is being so difficult to get on board.
It is like it is a massive chore for her to do a communications book for dinky. Today I was furious when I read the comment! I had been standing outside the class this morning because the door was open and no member of staff was nearby, so dinky could have gone and no one would have known until the register was taken. I was watching dinky with her ‘friend’. All of a sudden dinky launched herself at this ‘friend’ punching her in the face and falling on her at the same time. The other kid was obviously upset and got the TA, who told dinky off and made her apologise. None of the staff knew I had seen this take place. However in the comms book all I have for the entire day is ‘some lovely times’. Sure, there might have been some lovely times but don’t you think I should be informed that my child punched another kid in the face? Surely that shows that she is aggressive in school too, when on the CAF form the physical aggression has been marked as being a home thing! It is things like this that mean she won’t get the right help because no one will be able to say what is going on without the right information. Physical aggression in class is quite a major thing. Especially as last week I witnessed dinky push another child over and be reprimanded and I had to drag her away from a fight she was having with the same kid she punched today! Surely this counts as need to know? Right?
It’s like anything else with the teacher. I had no idea dinky wouldn’t participate in groups until I read in her reading diary ‘dinky is becoming more compliant to come and read in a group now.’ it actually seems I get more information from the home reading diary than I do from the comms book! Even today there is a longer entry in the reading diary! Maybe that is why the comms book entry is so small. I don’t know… Who knows what the teacher is thinking. She is probably going to the first port of call when she looks at me and sees that I look about 17 (I’m being nice!) and wear jeans and a hoody with Nike air force ones, I don’t exactly look very motherly. Maybe I should change my school wardrobe and wear some jeans, black shoes/ boots or nasty sketchers trainers, with some old persons cardigan and a coat from M&S? Maybe then it won’t come down to a class/age/parenting perspective. The stupid thing is the deputy is brilliant and assures me she will do what is in dinkys best interests and can see it is not a parenting issue!
There was a time where I was so angry at the health visitor because she handed me a NSPCC leaflet about not smacking your children and about listening! It took for me to prove I had done the time out for years with little or no success, I tired reward charts to little or no success, and I tried removing dinkys favourite films and toys, again little or no success. Actually there was one point when I took all dinkys films and toys and she had nothing for 3 weeks but the normal tv which was restricted heavily. She didn’t really seem to care. She just looked out of the window at the horses. I have tried positive parenting strategies, and I have tried picking battles. I have read book after book on managing behaviour in toddlers and preschoolers. Some bits from some books work, other books, not so much! They had to agree I had and was trying everything.
I am such an impatient person. Now I know there may be something wrong with dinky, I want an answer like tomorrow. I don’t want to do the NHS/CAMHS waiting malarkey! I want to know what is wrong if anything and if there is, what they can do about it!
I guess I probably should look up autism in girls and see what it says. Maybe I can look closer at some situations and see if she fits or not.

My issues…
Well, what can I say. I just have to wait. The doctors where I am are rubbish though. Normally there is like a one doc per surgery that treats me like I’m 10 years old but almost every doc I see is as useless as the next and all seem to use varying degrees of condesending and patronising language toward me. Oh well. I’m lucky, its not as if I’m on the streets right? Sure because everyone on the streets have children too. It is not like if I didn’t have dinky I would be on the streets either. Actually I would be a supervisor or higher for the only major sports shop (and don’t include the shop that had to remove sports from its name as it was a sports wear company and not a sports company there is a difference!) in the country and would still have my own flat down by the south coast. The only reason I gave it up was because I had dinky! So that’s crap. And no I’m not bloody lucky… What I’m lucky that we are in a hostel? That it is me and a hyperactive nearly 5 year old who has ‘behavioural and emotional difficulties’ in one room? Oh I’m lucky to have undiagnosed mental health issues with the latest being PTSD? Oh so lucky! Oh and I must be so lucky to have found a lump in my breast and have to go to 4 separate appointments! Yeah I’m so bloody lucky! I ooze luck! So much so that the MHN I had made me feel worse and when I try to change nurses it takes over 2 months! So lucky! And on to of all that I get to go job hunting and have my already low self esteem pushed further back by not even getting one interview from 30 job applications!
Don’t you wish you were as lucky as me?
Don’t get me wrong I know what he was aiming for, and I’ve taken it slightly out of context. I guess it is hard for those on the streets but does that make it easier for me? I’m not saying that I have it worst off in the world. I could name millions of people worse off than myself. I just think it was a rather poor use of words and a poor use of his imagination.

This week there are no suitable houses to bid on (although I’m thinking about changing schools if this teacher situation doesn’t get resolved soon!), I have a job centre interview for my jobseekers allowance on the 7th, I might pop into the school tomorrow and talk to the deputy about the contact book. That’s about it really…

I just mustn’t forget how lucky I am!

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