School, new Simba and more metldowns…. all in a days work!

Today I think I should have just stayed under the duvet covers!

Dinky was not a happy bunny this morning. She came into my room early and sat watching Dora the explorer on my iPad (which in itself is pure torture! every message and instruction is relayed 3 times in the most annoying voice). So we got up earlier than normal so I could have my iPad back while she had breakfast. Oh, but no this morning she couldn’t possibly have that cereal, the one she asked for lots of times. She couldn’t possibly have breakfast right then because she had to play with her new things from the zoo. Luckily we got up early.

She finally had breakfast and was playing with it. Then repeated the advert for the cereal word (and pronunciation) perfect. Still hungry she had grapes, a cheesestring, a yoghurt and a pear. Dinky never seems full, the girl can eat, yet remains within the normal weight range. mind boggling… anyway back to this morning (sorry it does get interesting .. promise!).

After breakfast it was the TV vs Getting dressed for school showdown. The rule is:

Get dressed, THEN the TV goes on.

This rule has been in effect since she was about 2 years old and would watch the TV and make getting dressed very awkward.

Obviously dinky was not in the mood for the rules. So she tried to change them.

dinky: I will only get dressed if my TV is on.

Me: the reason we have that rule is because you don’t get dressed.

dinky: But I will this time.

Me: you have two options, you get dressed and you get your tv on or you don’t get dressed and I phone your school and tell them that we will be late.

dinky: you don’t have their number

me: yes I do hang on I will phone them and you can talk to them.

dinky: NO!

Then she goes under the table and hides. I try to look at her

dinky: DONT LOOK AT ME!

I must admit if there is one thing I don’t like, it is when she says not to look at her, the next annoying thing happened shortly after.. Dinky grabbed the washing off from where she sat and was saying ‘stupid, weird washing’, I laughed

dinky: DONT LAUGH AT ME!

Grrr. Now considering we used to live in a hostel the other side of town and it took us an hour to get there, we (astoundingly), were never late. Yet here we are 10 minutes walk from the school and dinky does not want to get dressed, and it doesn’t look like she is coming out from under the table anytime soon…

Eventually by voicing aloud the fact that the bouncy castle day is only open to those who are not late to school, and what a shame it would be to miss it because of a silly thing like not getting dressed in the morning.

It reminded me of the big bang theory, where Sheldon wasn’t talking to anyone and came out to get food, and his mum says ‘careful, try not to spook him…’, it reminded me of the next bit… Leonard says ‘screw this.. Sheldon, you are being ridiculous…’ (or something along those lines) and Sheldon grabs the food and darts back to his room. Well, I said ‘hey, good girl, your clothes are on the sofa’. To which she screamed ‘I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK AT ME!’, stormed over to the washing and threw some of my clothes on the floor.

It wasn’t long before she came out from under the table muttering about how stupid I am and how horrible I am.

Yup, that’s me, mean horrible mum, just wants her daughter to get an education! How terrible a notion. You would think I had a 15 year old, not a 5 year old!

So, she finally gets dressed. I get the odd thing thrown at me in the process, but ignore it for the greater good.

She watches a little TV before we go, and as we are about to leave… ‘SIMBA!!! want Simba!’ frowny face, cat bum mouth, and crossed arms, she even threw in the huff for good measure.

I try to explain that I only sent the email to the lost and found last night and that they would try o get him home today but there is no way to be sure. I told her I asked for him to be especially cleaned and for him to get his voice back (originally Simba could roar, but another kid at the hostel threw him at a wall and he lost his voice). Unsure of whether or not that was acceptable to her, she was giving the walking angry head butt.

I said she could take the new monkey and show the teacher, and she could tell all her new friends about our trip to London zoo.

Finally we got out of the door. We managed to get to school with only a little ‘my feet are bored/burning). We got in the gate before it shut and just missed activities. Of course Dinky was happy now. Smiling, giggling and playful.

As I left I noticed she had been put down for nurture room Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons. No one told me she was going to be going every week! I didn’t have time to ask about it as it was time to go.

I jumped straight on the bus into town. I did a little shopping, found a new Simba (yes!!!) and came home. I was shattered so watched a film and put my feet up for 2 hours before going to get her again.

When I went to pick her up, they hadn’t, yet again, written in the contact book! Which I must admit is really starting to bug me as they only seem to remember to write it out when she has spent the afternoon in nurture so to them has had a good day! I think they are getting confused, they mean they have had a good day because she hasn’t been there.

I just want to scream!

Another option is to home school and I don’t think I could. I would end up in hospital, or she would end up in care. I couldn’t have her home 24/7.

We cant just try another school because no where has places in reception (plus there is the fact that this is our closest school and I don’t know if any others are in our catchment).
Somehow I have to get this school to work.

I think the best bet would probably be, to leave it for EYFS, try and get something in writing as to her difficulties for the school to make sure that it is taken seriously from year 1. I have already warned them that I think it is going to get very tough for them when they try and put her in a more rigid learning environment, but have only got that stupid ‘we are just nodding along here to placate you, but we don’t believe it’ nod.
I think I have well and truly earned the label neurotic/bolshie/pain in the arse parent. Ah, screw it, the only reason I have that label is because they are only consistent with how rubbish they are at their jobs!

Anyway…

I also got this rather large rolled up paper handed to me. Dinky wanted to show me what it was. Someone had drawn round her in nurture and she coloured it in with paint.

Now I have to find somewhere to hang a 2m x 1m painting….

On the way home dinky was bugging me about watching tv at home.

We got in and I showed her Simba. I forget just how clever she is. I think she knows it is not the same Simba, but doesn’t want to tell me she knows, because I might take it away.

Forever eating, she raids the fridge for more yoghurts and cherry tomatoes. When she has finished she got under her blanket to watch tv. I tried to get her to read her book, she wasn’t interested all I got was a babyish ‘busy now’.

I asked her what she wanted for dinner, pasta.We don’t have a varied diet in this house. The only time I get to eat something other than pasta, fish or pizza is when I cook only for her, then get myself something when he is in bed, as I am not allowed to eat anything different, I have to have what she has.

We had a few more head butts with tooth brushing, and I had missiles thrown at me, I was called some new names, and was head butted, slapped, and kicked during the getting dressed for bed.

I was checking her bookbag again, as she was in the indecisive ‘shall I, shan’t I try to stay up longer’ routine, and pulled out her reading diary. I was surprised, as she only has 2 more stamps before her first bookmark completion treat, and said so out loud.

Dinky decided to read me the story. and snuggle for 10 minutes. We don’t do much snuggling, because, either dinky doesn’t want to, or we do and after a short time she starts hurting me.

 

She finally went up at 7.15pm.

I have written this, and now I am going to watch eastenders and either watch a film or go to bed myself as I am shattered…

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3 thoughts on “School, new Simba and more metldowns…. all in a days work!

  1. Oh dear Trish what a rough day but sadly one that is exactly the same as M was at that age. M was about 5 when the school refusal and bedtime refusal really took on a whole new level of avoidance. I fear you may be entering the next phase of the pda cycle. The plus is that you are managing Dinky with effective PDA strategies now which will hopefully pay off tenfold for you. For me school avoidance started in earnest at about 5 and by the time she was six it was just impossible to get her in regardless of anything we tried to do. We weren’t however, at that time, aware of PDA and so things may be different for you. It will be interesting to see how things pan out, at least you are armed with knowledge whilst we were doing everything wrong with M which only made matters worse. The mental exhaustion caused by the relentless level of care and diffusing of one situation after another is something that others don’t understand when we can’t find the strength for work even when our children are in school. You are doing an amazing job, far better than I ever did and I truly hope that your reap the desired rewards and that the school manage to adapt to Dinky and her needs.
    Much love and hugs across the net
    Jane xxxx

  2. Thanks Jane.
    From other things you have written in regards to posts on your blog, and replies on mine, I was thinking things are going to get a lot hairier around here.
    Hopefully the school will be prepared. What I don’t want, is being in the know as to how to handle her and how to calm her, and for the school to completely ignore it.
    I will become one of the mums who the schools truly detest because I will make sure that what they are doing wrong is highlighted. Obviously it doesn’t mean the school will change its ways and start doing the right thing but it might help.
    While the school may cause me stress now and moreso in the future, I think you are very brave homeschooling M. I could not do it.

    Xx

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