Well, that could have gone better….

is the tag line of my life!

Over dramatic… well, today…

Dinky had an ok morning watching Netflix, she just ate non stop. Honestly if you saw her she is in no way overweight it is baffling!

I went on face book for a while, put some washing in, harmless you would think… except I didn’t check thoroughly and a pair of night time pants (pull ups) that were dry (before they went in) ended up in the machine. Dinky has this ridiculous idea that if she didn’t wee they don’t need to go in the bin. So normally I would put them in the bin when I take her trousers to the wash basket.  However she must have been helpful and put them in herself and I had forgotten. Either way all the clothes had bits of pulls ups all over them. After I put the wash load back on and hung it out I decided it might be a good idea to empty the filter. It was roughly 10.30am and we didn’t have to leave for activities until 11.30am.

So I undo the filter and almost flooded my kitchen! I had a ton of gunk (saturated pull up lining mush) and water al over the floor. I am trying so hard not to scream profanities as Dinky was in the next room. I had to grab the kitchen towel to try and clear the gunk, however seeing that I’m in crisis and dealing with water Dinky asks for a drink. Cue awful parenting..

Me: WHAT??? CANT YOU SEE I AM A LITTLE BIT BUSY TRYING TO CLEAN THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW???

Dinky: ALRIGHT! I need a drink though, can I have one in a minute?

Me: In a minute, sorry for shouting

2 minutes later… I am still trying to get the water off the floor the cap wouldn’t go back on properly so it was still leaking as there was more water to come out, I was just trying to catch the water with the washing up bowl…

Dinky: Can I have a drink now mum?

I turn to look at her moving the bowl and re-soak the kitchen floor!!!

It was 11 am, we had to leave in 30 minutes, dinky wasn’t dressed, my kitchen floor was a puddle, dinky needed lunch and I hadn’t got myself sorted as my plan was to do that during her lunch.

I grab a plate, put some cocktail sausages, yoghurt, cheese and cherry tomatoes on and tell her to eat (with a drink). I found the mop to do the floor, pulled the washing machine out then mopped behind it, pushed it back in (admiring my own strength, and grateful that I could pull it out as last time my washing machine leaked in a different place I got damp and it spread). Meanwhile dinky had finished her food, and was dressed to the waist, I asked her to grab a t-shirt from her room, she came back with a jumper. I told her that she is going to activities and that she will be indoors running around and needs a t-shirt. She got annoyed, and I couldn’t make out the noise she made next but I’m guessing that she wanted to wear the stripy one and it was a t-shirt. I sent her back up, she came down with another jumper. I had finished mopping. So I explained the difference between a t-shirt and a jumper. We picked out a t-shirt, it was 11.35. She got ready quick (for a change!), and we left at 11.45. We just made the bus, got there at 12.25.

I signed her in to the activities and they said pick up was 5pm, I explained that she might find it a little daunting and not to push too hard with instructions. I got a little worried when there seemed to be a lack of adult supervision. It was kids watching the kids. However the plus side was they would have the energy to run after her!

So I left her watching Ice age while the day kids ate lunch.

I got home, had a bath, some lunch, printed off the Speech and Language report, and emailed Dinky’s grandma and let her know the outcome.

I left at 4pm to get Dinky (it is always quicker on my own!).

I was thinking about the Speech and Language report a lot.

When I got to the place it was 4.30pm. They were just moving the kids to the crèche when Dinky saw me. I went in with them and heard the ‘oh too familiar… can I have a word?’

She was there for 4 hours, she got not 1, not 2, but 3 incident reports.

Report 1

violence- Punched child in the stomach over a small argument

action taken- sat out, spoken to and allowed to join back in

outcome- joined in games again

Report 2

unacceptable behaviour- Threw a shoe at member of staff and spat at him

action taken- was told to sit out and calm down for a few minutes

outcome- rejoined

Report 3

Behavioural issues- ignoring staff, talking back, ignoring safety (for herself), and ran off around the centre

action taken- calmed by a member of staff, spoken to.

outcome- joined in games at the end.

He said that if it wasn’t on her paperwork that she attend the special needs swimming, they would have banned her for the rest of the half term holiday. I told him that luckily for them, I don’t think mainstream activity days is the way forward, and I have finally realised that. He asked if I was going to put Dinky into the special school round here, (apparently his mum works there). I said if her new school goes the way of her last then you never know! He said that he has seen kids have meltdowns like the one where she ran off.

I got a copy of all three reports and had to get dinky to the café for dinner. I finally managed to get her out of there.

we watched the rock climbers as she ate, then got the bus. Dinky was in a foul mood, she tried to say that the guy was lying and she didn’t do any of it. When I told her it didn’t matter, it was done and dusted she disagreed. I got head butt and punched several times. She was picking fights with me all the way home. When we got home she hid under the table and refused to come out and get ready for bed.

It took a while but I got her ready and she is now up there playing. I don’t think she has had time to wind down yet, so I am leaving her to it as usual.
I am now fretting about what her behaviour is going to be like when the integrated services lady comes round tomorrow morning, how she is going to be at swimming, and the rest of the week. I don’t want her to get progressively worse. I think the weekend I am going to have to strip it back to just us and let her do as she needs ready for the last 6 weeks of EYFS.

Although it will be interesting, I am going to have to talk to the Senco again (which doesn’t fill me with joy), about the Speech and language which needs to be written into her I.E.P that they don’t know whether or not she will have yet (although I expect she will if the recommendations are followed- which probably wont happen until September)

 

I get moments, like just now, when I realise just how hard it is not to have anyone to share these worries with. My dad doesn’t really understand and he is still not 100%.

I keep going round in circles. One minute I am dead sure Dinky has special needs and that she will get a diagnosis of PDA, then I think I am a crap parent, that I had no role models and maybe I am doing it all wrong. So I push her and push her. Then like today she snaps as she cant cope and I knew it would be difficult but I wanted to give it another go, one more try at mainstream activities. If I carry on like this I am going to make her worse.

I feel very isolated and alone in all of this. All of these realisations.

 

 

Ok that’s enough of that, I have been trying to write this for 2 hours. Dinky is now asleep! I have work to do as dinky trashed the place when getting dressed.

 

Until tomorrow….

 

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2 thoughts on “Well, that could have gone better….

  1. Cue awful parenting..

    Me: WHAT??? CANT YOU SEE I AM A LITTLE BIT BUSY TRYING TO CLEAN THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW???

    This isn’t awful parenting DMum this is normal parenting but we get so used to having to be exceptional parents that when we occasionally slip into normal mode we think we are awful. You are a wonderful parent who has turned a difficult background into a positive ie you are giving Dinky everything that you missed out on. I am not qualified to diagnose DMum but everything about your descriptions of Dinky shout out PDA. If I was a betting person I would put money, and a lot of it, on the likelihood that Dinky does have PDA.

    • Thanks for your support Jane…
      I was just feeling really crappy, and guilty for snapping at her, all she wanted was a drink.
      I think it goes in cycles where I am sure beyond sure Dinky has PDA, then I have days where I just think I am pants.
      I just need to be more sure of myself and my own judgement.

      Thanks again 🙂

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