Back to dinky..
Now, dinky doesn’t get many birthday invites. Actually, today’s party is her 3rd party invite since starting school in September.
(I almost wrote 2nd, but remembered the bowling where dinky spent most of the time under the lane table on the wire rack. The other party was a trip to the special needs group base with soft play and sensory room.)
I can not tell you how gutting it is to see a wad of party invites make their way round a class and watching dinky be one of the only ones without an invite.
However today was a new experience… A party for the little man who has a PDA diagnosis, who from here on in will be known as A, as he just celebrated his 5th birthday. So an environment where most people knew about the whole PDA issues and where Dinky’s behaviour is not entirely alien to those involved.
This morning Dinky was a pickle. She wouldn’t eat breakfast without her tablet device and had to have her leg up on the table. She wouldn’t wear what I picked out, yet wouldn’t pick out an outfit. When we finally picked what to wear, she wouldn’t put it on.
I tried every which way, I tried asking her what was first to go on, she told me she couldn’t put anything on, because she hadn’t taken her pyjamas off.
I asked her if that meant she should take her pyjamas off. She said she didn’t want to because it would make her arm hurt.
I asked her if she should go to the party in her pyjamas and she said that would be too silly, and called me weird.
Once we finally got her dressed she was arguing with herself over what shoes to wear. She tried to argue with me, but I wasn’t bothered which ones as long as she was ready to go and had shoes on her feet.
Then came the ‘what toys to take’.
When we started dinky’s bag had the following items in:
Birthday boys present
6 inch lady and tramp teddies
A very irritating alien ship
The mouse from the gruffalo
The Samsung tab
(by this point it was overflowing )
She was still trying to put her
big tiger (named Rosie)
And her Nemo swim hat.
After 45 minutes of negotiations, crying, hitting (despite reading the ‘my hands’ social story), spitting and pleading we ended up with
The birthday boys present
Lady and tramp
The iPhone and headphones
Not bad! Of course Simba goes everywhere so he was carried in her hands.
Only 2 and a half hours to get ready to go… but still, we were ready with 10 minutes to spare! I left then and it was a good job too. She wanted her chewy necklace which I had to retrieve from my room, and then she walked at a pace sloths would be proud of!
On the way to the bus stop by the shops is when we have our best conversations. Today she was trying to convince me there were no such things as laws.
This was in a bid to get out of going to school on Tuesday as tomorrow is an inset day. She asked what would happen if she broke the law. I told her the police would come. So she said she would kick them, and when I said she would be in more trouble she said she would kick them more. I tried to explain that that probably wasn’t the best idea. She said she could do what she wanted. I asked her if it was ok to hit. Trying to use the social story. She said the ‘my hands’ was about her hands and not her feet, so she could still kick. She could still hit but it might make the policemen sad or angry because that is what is in the book.
I tired to explain that it is the same for kicking and biting but she wasn’t taking it in. We had reached the tunnels which is (for some unknown reason) the trigger of “my feet are burning” or “my tummy hurts” or “I can’t walk anymore”. She wasn’t too bad, we had the burning feet “a bit”, and the “not got my extra run”, but we made the bus.
On the bus I managed to get her to wear her headphones. So she was happy. She wore them right up until the train was about to come. Then she was not happy and I can not, for the life of me, work out why that would be, other than she was nervous about the party. I had been talking about the party for a while and explaining that there will be new people, it is at A’s house, and that there will no doubt be party games and so on.
She was hitting my arm, so I tried to tell her no hitting, and reciting bits from the social story again. To my utter amazement she stopped! Then she tried taking her wrist reins off. I wonder if there is a way of social storying wrist reins when out. I’m sure I can.
We got on the first train and she refused to sit in the seats I had picked and sat in some with a tray. I wished we had been going more than one stop as some utterly ignorant people were discussing my handling of her tray squeaking!
Basically I asked her not to do it, told her it may upset people, yet she carried on. I left it.
Afterwards it was one of those ‘wish you had a camera’ moments. Dinky was wearing her ‘I’m not naughty, I have special needs’ badge and I made a point of stopping in front of little miss ignorant and stood there while she read it, then moved Dinky on and explained that we were about to change platforms and get on the next train in order to meet up with A’s dad.
I couldn’t help smiling, miss ignorant looked extremely embarrassed and so did her partner/husband who she was ranting to!
On the other platform dinky was still being a pickle. She was climbing on some bars, it was quite safe, as I was there if she fell back and she was holding onto the steel girder in front of her. She was talking to me in a very babyish tone, which is never normally a good sign. She was saying things like “me hungry”, “me bored”, and when the loud train went by and I had my hands over her ears… “Me don’t like loud train”.
By this point I was wondering if she would be ok for the party. At least if she couldn’t cope then Maria (the lovely mum who introduced me to PDA and mum to the wonderful A), would understand and we could form some kind of plan.
When we got off the train A’s dad was there to meet us and took us to the party. Dinky was straight off to play with A and his neighbour while I spoke to Maria.
She was happy, A was happy the neighbour was happy so it was all good.
As the kids arrived dinky went to play in the playroom. I tried to get her out to play with the other kids, but Maria said she was ok in there. Dinky was having fun playing by herself for a bit. Which was ok, and later on it hit me that that is what she needed to keep herself in a relatively good mood. When the children’s entertainer started it was difficult to get dinky out, but she went, and sat ‘the school way’ on the rug. I actually think her school would be jealous of how she behaved on the rug!
The children’s entertainer was funny and had all the kids laughing. There was only one part where dinky had said something to A and he retaliated and then she got annoyed but the children’s entertainer was using the wand to hit herself so it thoroughly entertained Dinky!
At lunch time dinky ate her usual little amount at party’s, although was thoroughly impressed when the pepperoni pizza slices came out!
I went to check on dinky after she disappeared while I was talking to A’s uncle, she was happy in the playroom with A and 2 others.
I went back out as she wasn’t happy with me intruding.
Not being the best mingler, I spoke to A’s dad and uncle. The kids had come out of the playroom for ice cream, Dinky only likes the chocolate mini milks and they had all gone by the time she got outside. Thankfully an older child was kind enough to let dinky have it as she was not happy. She wasn’t quite angry or really upset, but it may have gone that way.
I thanked the older child as she didn’t have to do that.
The kids went to play on the next part of the garden with the play frame. I was watching from the deck, and was introduced to Maria’s mum. She was a lovely lady and as we were discussing their difficulties A was swinging without much fear on the top of the slide, she asked which was dinky. As we looked back she said she need not have asked as dinky was swinging next to him above the ladder!
When it was time for the cake and games it was hard to get dinky to come back up. Eventually one of the other adults managed to get dinky to race back up to the top. After the cake, dinky disappeared. I found her in the playroom under the table. I blew a kiss and left her as I knew better then to talk to her.
She came back out in time for games. They danced, then played statues, then sleeping lions which cracked me up…
children’s entertainer: OK… the rules of sleeping lions,
both A and Dinky wriggled purposely
dinky giggled and A was definitely thinking about it
Last rule.. No Snoring whatsoever! Do you understand?
Dinky: I am going to snore! pretend snores quietly
A: puts his hand up She wants to snore!
Then when the game begins they both snore quietly!
I couldn’t stop laughing!
They went down again to play as they got bored. Then it was time for pass the parcel. Again dinky didn’t want to go back up. However she did just in time. The entertainer was good at spotting which kids looked the most put out and got them the parcel first. Dinky was pointing out which paper it was and seemed to like the dinosaur wrap. So when it stopped at her it was the dinosaur wrap she was very happy!
She picked out her lolly and was happy.
It wasn’t long before she shot down the bottom by herself, so I went after her.
I realised at this point that it was 1pm. I tried to give Dinky warnings but both dinky and A kept asking for more time.
Eventually it got to 1.30 and I managed to get dinky to agree to going ‘soon’. I checked my train time, but then she shot off down the bottom to play. By the time I had managed to get back up to the top and get her in the sort of frame of mind to go we had 10 minutes. Which just wasn’t happening. With it being Sunday and Sunday trains, it was one an hour. So we were going to get the next one. Dinky and A were happy. They were playing in the playroom with A’s new toys.
From here on in I get confused as they went in and out so many times it is ridiculous!
A’s uncle was driving back to London later in the day and offered a lift.
Normally, I wouldn’t accept. I don’t really know him and I felt awkward enough as the invite said 11-1pm. However, for dinky, the best option would have been by car as I couldn’t handle it if she had a meltdown on either train or on the station. Also seeing as neither A nor Dinky had kicked off over anything really all day, both myself and Maria were waiting for it to happen.
All the signs pointed toward meltdown of epic proportion!
However both kids only needed to be reminded to calm down a couple of times. Dinky was found under the table a few more times and made friends with a girl who was quite happy to be led and not listened to as long as they played together.
Again they were playing really nicely. At one point I went to check on them, they were bouncing on a bed with music on full blast. I was unceremoniously thrown out of the room, and went back up with Maria as I wasn’t sure of the house rules.
During all the playing A’s dad brought their shaggy crazy puppy home. Dinky was engrossed playing with the dog!
It was at time to go that things are always interesting for dinky.
Maria suggested her other half go and get dinky as we both know it is always different coming from someone else. Eventually she came up But then shouted that she didn’t want to go and ran off upstairs. She was shouting, threw a toy downstairs at me while I was attempting to get her down. Maria suggested another adult try as I did the whole “right,I’m off bye!” Trick. In the end we managed to get her out and to the car, however she didn’t want to sit in the booster, and she didn’t want to sit on the side, she wanted to sit on my lap. She settled for the middle with her seatbelt on nicely with a bag of Freddo faces!
She was quite well behaved in the car compared to the last trip in a cab!
She listened to music on her phone once she had told A’s uncle she didn’t like his music, and had a small strop. She opened her party box, and began drawing. She was quiet, happy and busy!
We stopped at the shop, I thanked A’s uncle for the lift, and I got dinky an ice cream from the shop.
She made a right mess with the ice cream, which was fine as she walked back ok as was completely preoccupied! When she finished she asked for Simba… Er… Not in my bag, not in her bag! Oh ****** ******* ******* *******!!!
She was not too bad about it but was obviously unhappy. She didn’t want her gelli baff and opted for lady and the tramp as we still had those toys. I got her some snacky food and she sat in her pink pop up tent to eat it.
I sent her to her bedroom at 7.30pm. At 10 she was still playing. I think she maybe asleep now it is 10.35pm.
Tomorrow is inset day so we are off to soft play for 2 hours!