Worst meltdown in a long time… my dad spells help.. h.i.n.d.e.r

My dad came over Friday evening, then came back yesterday and stayed last night to give me a much needed lay in.

Although I am unsure whether I would have opted for an early morning considering what happened not long after I got up.

So this morning I got up at about 9.30am, dad and dinky were laying on the sofa engrossed in Pingu on Netflix. Dinky then came to sit on my lap and wanted me to read her a story, once I had done that she was back over to my dad to jump all over him. He was getting annoyed because dinky was still jumping while he was trying to roll himself a cigarette. He growled at her to get off. She wasn’t impressed.

Dinky was doing lots of little annoying things, like interrupting conversation, and jumping on both of us. She settled for a little while doing stamp pictures at her table. I cant actually remember what started it, but my dad got angry with her while I was reading something on the ipad. She got really upset by it, I gave him the don’t take it too far look. He has a habit of lecturing her on behaviour, which I tell him is probably inappropriate for most 5 year olds, but more so for Dinky as it just makes her worse. I have told him so many times to leave discipline to me, but he just jumps in, engages mouth before brain.

Dinky then went to run for something and almost ran straight into the door. I tend to laugh in awkward situations which doesn’t help matters. Dinky shouted “DON’T LAUGH AT ME!!!” and she started throwing things at me. My dad jumped in and shouted at her again, this made her worse and she started to rip all the pictures off the visual timetable. I left her to it to let her get it out of her system. She then threw the washing basket over, pulled all the books off the bookcase, threw a wooden chair at me, and was attacking me in between trashing the living room. Again I had to shoot my dad a look as his interfering was just escalating the situation. She took one look at my ipad and lunged for it, so I grabbed hold of her. It is one thing to have to tidy up but if she smashes £500 worth of kit, it becomes a whole different matter. She was screaming to let go of her and hitting me. She was in full meltdown now. My dad kept telling her to stop and telling her she couldn’t have this or that. I shouted at him to shut up or get out! He was making her ten times worse. I had to fully restrain her as every time I let her go she was attacking or trashing.

I sat down on the floor with her facing away from me. I crossed my legs over hers immobilizing them, I crossed my arms across her chest to stop her lashing out. I gave her a little bit of upper body space as she says I was hurting her. I know I wasn’t truly hurting her, but there is a possibility it could be a sensory thing. She was spitting all over me and wiping her rather snotty nose all over my arm (which was rather disgusting). She was screaming and then once she realised I wasn’t letting her go she started biting. She bit my right arm twice in quick succession while my dad was out having a cigarette. When he came back in she was sucking my knuckle and then sunk her teeth in pretty hard. A few more bites, more spitting and more head butting later she seemed to be calming down. I decided to let her go, bad idea!

She pulled the washing over, threw everything off her table and was launching books at me. My dad again made her worse by shouting and telling her how awful she was. I told him I was dealing with the situation, his response was ‘I don’t have to like it, I shouldn’t have to sit here…’ I cut him off by saying ‘enough’… I had to restrain her again. More screaming, spitting and biting. I was trying to calm her down, I was trying to reassure her.

45 minutes later she is finally calm.

She went upstairs to play on her mobigo. I had a quiet but forceful argument with my dad over his handling of the situation. If I have told him once I have told him 100 times

Let me deal with dinky!!!!

He doesn’t understand he is making it worse. He was saying that now she knows her own strength she is using it. I asked him what part of, panic attack meltdown, does that fit into? He said I wasn’t allowing him an opinion. Well, I was, but I was trying to correct him as he was wrong.

Every time I think I have him onside he does something stupid in handling her challenging behaviour. Fair enough this was the first time he had ever seen her that bad. It was actually the worst it has been for a while. He just doesn’t get it.

The rest of the afternoon I allowed her to do as she pleased. She was quite happy with her sticker book from the lad we met up with and went to the circus with on Thursday.

Dinky also made me a card. It was a flower on the front with

‘To mummy

I lurv yow

from

xxxxxxx’ inside.

It was nice. We spent some time with her curled up on me.

She had a bath, but was very awkward with the hair wash. She went to bed at 7pm.

I’m just wiped out. I may have had a few hours extra sleep, but today was just one of those days that you just want to erase from your life.

When she went to bed my dad still believes he knows best. In the end I just gave up. He doesn’t get it. Like Saturday night. I was trying to explain my predicament with the school. I wanted to bounce ideas off him as to what I should do regarding the senco. He had no idea what he was talking about and when I tried to say it wouldn’t work, or something doesn’t work the way he thinks, he had a go at me for asking him in the first place. Yet he says he wants to offer me more support.

I am on my own. I have to find a way of getting him to realise I deal with her day in and day out. He doesn’t see her get like that. I do, I deal with it. He has to let me deal with it. I was a little harsh and have elaborated in the past, about the fact that he wasn’t a great parent so he has no place lecturing me or jumping in to parent my child when I am there. He walked out and he has no idea what it takes to raise a child day in day out. So he has absolutely no idea how to raise a child with special needs like Dinky.

I know it sounds harsh. It probably was, but he has to realise when he is in the wrong. I am forever beating myself up, analysing my parenting, and working out what I can change if the same problem arise to make it better. My dad on the other hand is very ridged. He wont change his ways, he is applying his useless parenting techniques he used with us on dinky.

These days I hate. I hate seeing her like that. I hate it. To look at her you would not believe she was capable of what happened today.

I think a big difference is my dad was livid, like she did it on purpose. I see it as something she cant help. I don’t think it was any better for her than it was being on the end of it.

I am dreading tomorrow morning. Back to school. I don’t know if things are going to go the same way as they did at her old school when she goes back.

Time will tell.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Worst meltdown in a long time… my dad spells help.. h.i.n.d.e.r

  1. Sounds like a really bad day, possibly made worse by you’re dads reaction. To be fair on him though, if its the first time he’s seen Dinky like that , he probably couldn’t believe it! Sometimes even us mums resort to traditional parenting when we aren’t able to think straight/cope any more/ are exhausted! At least i know i do, it always fails, but sometimes i run of ideas…..Hopefully he’s gone away and realised what a tough job you have to do all day everyday. My little angel had the most massive one yesterday too, maybe half terms been a little bit too good for them both, often seems to work that way 🙂
    Im Dreading tomorrow to X

    • I am probably a little harsh on my dad.
      He just has this annoying habit of doing things to make things worse and then trying to justify why he did it, instead of just admitting he was wrong and that maybe there is a better way than his.
      I think he is starting to realise what I have to deal with but is being extraordinarily slow on the uptake.

      Bless him, I hope things get better for you both. I think I definitely did too much with dinky.

      I will think of you and your angel tomorrow morning xx

  2. just thought I love the blog having found it after being in touch with Jane Sherwin. I fully get where you’re coming from with your dad. It sometimes happens with my husband. Although he knows, when dd is in the thick of it he just thinks she’s being naughty etc and it can’t go on and shouts back etc etc. Obviously this just escalates things. Its really hard but you stick to your guns you know Dinky best – oh and I totally sympathise on the lie in/time to yourself – it usually always backfires somehow! x

    • Hi Natalie,

      I’m glad you like the blog (Jane is awesome!), it could be a man thing?

      I think the only way to get a real lie in would be to leave my dad here and go book into a hotel with my phone off. (although I probably wouldn’t enjoy it as I would worry about leaving dinky with my dad- sometimes I even worry the other way round lol)

      I hope things aren’t too bad for you and your family at the moment.

      Thank you for taking the time to reply
      x

Add your comment here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s