First day back after may half term

It never bodes well when I find dinky in my bed. Even less so to find her grinning at her galaxy tab watching Netflix at midnight.

I start to wonder if she actually slept in her own bed last night.

She asks me to hug her tight to keep her safe from dinosaurs. I tell her she is a lucky girl, that dinosaurs died lots and lots of years ago, there are no more left and that means that she couldn’t possibly be eaten by a dinosaur. However I still hug her tight as she doesn’t often ask for hugs, I ask and she climbs on my lap and digs her chin into my shoulder or chest while her arms lay at her side. It was amusing when she was very little as I would hold her and rub or pat her back while having a cuddle, and she would do the same to me. She did the same to anyone else while having a cuddle and still does it, if it is not a ‘sit-down-in-a-chair-hug’.

I was enjoying the hug but she said I was squishing her so I left it. She asked more questions about dinosaurs, especially meat eating dinosaurs. She has a new fascination with the bbc documentaries walking with dinosaurs. To be fair the ‘big Al’ one only got boring after the 5th time of watching it.

Dinky went to bed quite quickly, I on the other hand couldn’t sleep with all the teeth grinding. She seemed fast asleep, until I tried to leave the bed.

In the morning she was watching the land before time.
It finished at 7am so I let her have until then before getting ready for school. I put her breakfast and bowl on the side. I am not allowed to do anymore than this otherwise she wont eat it.

(Did I mention that she has more rules in this house than I do?)

I need to keep her clam as she is already on edge, and after yesterday I now have 5 bruises that were red bite marks the day before. I do not relish a repeat performance!

I go to get myself ready while she eats. When I come back she has written a note (even though she started forming letters at 3 years of age her writing is awful)

‘fromeyrs

to***** (she spells my name correctly)

iamfrom

ayblfront

wlwd

ilicyro

Howmitsluvly’

translated-

‘from earth (I think she ran out of space at the bottom of the A4 page)

To *****

I am from another world

I like your home

its lovely’

This is the child who wouldn’t write her name on the front page of the 20 individual characters I managed to get out of her for her homework over the past week. Yet will write to get out of making her breakfast and eating it! Typical!

I thank her for her letter and try to get her to make breakfast. After that it was another battle for her to get dressed. I grabbed her uniform, but the trousers I picked up were the ones she doesn’t like, the t-shirt didn’t have the school logo on, the jumper was acceptable. So we changed the uniform. However Dinky wanted to make a card for her teacher. I reminded her that we were now running late. She doesn’t like being late. So she got dressed. It was time to go, so she picked up 4 toys. I told her she was only allowed to take Simba. So she picked up her little Simba, then ran upstairs. She came back down with her large Simba (1 foot long and half a foot tall). I tell her that her teacher wouldn’t like her to bring the large one. This results in me being called stupid and weird. I get head butted and punched. DAMN IT!!! I manage to get the Simba off her, she grabs her drinks bottle which she launches at me. I barely get out the way in time, then it smashed on the floor. We didn’t have time for this. Dinky got even more angry.

IMAG0682

 

She stormed down the stairs and out of the front door and down the street. I grabbed my keys and ran after her. She was walking head butting my hip and humming down the road. I know better than to talk to her when she is like this.

She finally talks to me to tell me her feet are burning and she cant walk anymore. She shouts at me for not getting the bus. She tells me I am stupid.

When we get to school Dinky has a personality shift. She is all happy and bubbly. We sit at the activity table. She has to do writing, on the table are bunches of flowers, she has to colour the petals on the paper and write some descriptive words. The only thing she does do at school that she does at home is avoid demands. She coloured the petals, and wrote prpl (purple). I asked her what else she could think of, she said she didn’t know what else and was on edge so I didn’t push.

I read her a book and left.

I went to the office to let them know about dinky’s paediatrician appointment (they have to photocopy the letter before they authorise the time off), and to either talk to the senco or give her the letter along with the speech and language report. Wonders will never cease.. I actually managed to speak to the senco face to face! I gave her the report, she agreed to refer Dinky to the school team and even said she would get Dinky into the speech and language group at the school while we wait for the referral! She said it was good tat we have the paediatrician appointment. She seemed so much nicer than the first time I met her.

I am getting rather fed up with the school in general. Again I am told “she has been a good girl”. I hate this sentence. I hate it because I don’t know if it is truly accurate. Her contact book wasn’t done… yet again!

Dinky wanted to go to the park, I had no reason to object so we went. She did ok.

On the way home she was ok.

At home I let her watch Netflix and spin in circles for a while.

Now she is in her room… She isn’t asleep, but she is quiet and she is happy.

I am tired. I am trying to decide whether or not to go to my keyworking session tomorrow. My key worker is lovely, but I was sent there to socialise. I have nothing to say to the other people there. At the moment my life is taken up with Dinky and my battle to get her the right support. There are no goals for us to aim for in the key work sessions. The only thing I would be remotely interested in runs after school. The problem is I cant, at present, find a childminder who will take dinky with her current behavioural issues. They cant give her the care she needs after school as they have too many children.

I just don’t see the point anymore.

I’m fingers crossing for tomorrow! Hopefully it will be a better day!

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