What on earth prompted this?



Dinky seems to go through phases and it has been really difficult to get any sense out the new school, however we get random days like today where it seems to all fall apart. Dinky has just had a big meltdown straight out of the classroom door.

Today also went to show just how much they misunderstand the intentions of a contact book and what content is supposed to go in it! (Although I have managed to get a meeting for Wednesday and intend to bring up the illogical way they do her contact book).

This morning Dinky did not want to go to school. She was hiding in the washing. I had to first make light of it, and then a challenge. We raced to get our shoes on, obviously she won.

On the way to school she was telling me that she didn’t love me anymore and that she wants to live with her grandma. I must admit I was hurt, I had forgotten about the way that she will say things to hurt me as part of her PDA. While I was hurt I didn’t react to it. In fact I didn’t react at all. I should have told her I wouldn’t want her to go and that I love her too much. Unfortunately I was too tired to think straight.

She said she didn’t want me to stay at school and do activities this morning. This is when I twigged the hurt in her voice. I picked her up and told her that I wanted to go in, that I need her to teach me maths this morning. (I am learning! Fridays is maths table!). She told me that she was sorry, she did love me really and she didn’t want to live with her grandma.

When we got in she happily went straight over to her teacher and told her that she was going to teach me maths today!

So we went into the class and we were weighing. We went on the table in the corner and had our own scales. We measured everything and she did quite well. She wouldn’t write the numbers and when she eventually showed me how clever she was by writing her numbers, they were barely legible and she got annoyed because they didn’t look like the numbers she wanted to write. I had to snatch the work off her to stop her from ripping it.

Dinky happily went to her classroom area and read a book. I told the teacher I was going and left.

At home I have been researching the Human brain. I have learnt a lot, it is a very interesting subject. However I do not want to say too much as I am reading a paper which is not published yet and I promised I would not share it with anyone, however it is very interesting and her description of PDA and explanation of its manifestations are the best I have read so far. She really does have a deep insight into the minds of these children. I think she is a very clever woman and I hope she manages to get her work published.

I must admit my own brain was aching as it was a lot more challenging than the previous research I had done with regard to autism and Asperger’s.

I left to go get Dinky from school. When I went into the classroom the end of the week teacher said to wait, that she needed a word.

Here we go again…

While we waited for more parents to come collect their offspring, I noticed Dinky had cut a hole in her jumper. Nice! Have they not heard of supervision, especially with scissors? Fantastic! not!
First of all she wanted me to sign the referral to the speech and language team. I was shocked that the senco had actually done something constructive! Meanwhile dinky had looked in her book bag to give me a letter and found that the same book was inside. She was not impressed at having the same book (she refused to read it last night) so she threw it on the floor and when the teacher looked at her, I said it was because she didn’t read it the day before. She then went off under the table and was generally on edge. While I was trying to do the form she was trying to get into the teachers cupboard and was taking things out. She was generally making a nuisance of herself. It seemed as if she did not know what she wanted or needed to do nor where to put herself.

When the class had almost emptied the teacher spoke to me about her behaviour today. She said that she was constantly pushing the boundaries. She was spitting, had cut her own jumper and blamed it on other children (when it was definitely her), going into places she wasn’t supposed to, ect.
In the contact book she has written

dinky has been a bit up and down today and needed thinking time in order to make the right choice.

She has been trying to get a negative response through her behaviour.

Dinky did enjoy music today though and used the claves.

Nothing about using scissors on her jumper, spitting or anything else she mentioned to me. Also it seems they have misunderstood Dinky, as she does not do what she does for a negative response. It doesn’t matter what response you give, until she has gotten whatever it is out of her system she will not stop. It is this type of misunderstanding that leads to incorrect handling which leads to more inappropriate behaviour.

Anyway, Dinky did not like the idea of the teacher writing about her in the book so spat on it. Spat at me and was kicking and hitting before going back under the table. Under the table she got a pair of scissors and tried cutting my shoe laces. I got the scissors off her, then she scribbled on the teachers clipboard in permanent marker. She went back in the teachers cupboard and broke a child’s model dinosaur.

 We finished our conversation and Dinky ran out of the classroom. I went out to get her but she wouldn’t come. So I said I was going she could come or she could stay. She screamed and got really upset and kicked me from behind, head butt my hip and was punching me in front of the deputy and the head teacher. Great!
She refused to come again so I said the same thing again and again she ran after me and hit me, this time she also spat at me.

I ignored it, and said, ‘ come on then sweetheart, lets get you home’. punched, kicked and spat at again this time about 3 feet away from her new head teacher.

It took more persuading to get her out of the gate. more violence.

We got to the shops and she wanted something to eat. I was not taking her into the shop in the mood she was in. The security guard in there makes her 10 times worse as he watches her meltdown despite her screaming she doesn’t like people looking at her. This led to her saying she wasn’t going anywhere. She pulled and pulled to get away, tried to take her wrist reins off, bit my hand and drew blood, kicked, punched, screamed, sat on the floor and spat at me. We had an audience which annoyed me. One kid, must have been about 10, stopped and asked if we could move! I asked him to just go round us. Then he stood next to her and watched! I asked him if he had nothing better to do than watch a little kid have a meltdown!

One of the TA’s came by after that to do her shopping with her son. She stood there and watched! I would have thought she would show some more consideration considering Dinky is one of the pupils in early years. Nope, stood there gossiping with the rest. To be fair on some people, they recognised dinky and walked straight past and tried to give me a small smile.

There was absolutely nothing I could do. She didn’t want me touching her and every time she said she was cuddling she bit my legs. I had to ignore her and hope it wasn’t too long before she managed to calm herself down.

Eventually, and I mean e-v-e-n-t-u-a-l-l-y she calmed down enough to move away from the crowd. She was screaming something about sun light and she didn’t want the sun in her face. She was hiding behind her book bag. She seemed really distressed by it. By the time we got out from under the roundabout she was getting more upset by the sun. So I took my coat off and put it over her so that the sun wasn’t on her and she walked home.
I didn’t say a word, and then she told me that she was upset today because her teacher didn’t believe her over something. She said that other children spat on their work and scribbled on their work and they were not supposed to and they said it was her, but her teacher didn’t believe her. To be fair it sounds like dinky, maybe she couldn’t remember doing it.or was sorry and didn’t want to get into trouble? I don’t know. I will bring it up on Wednesday as end of the week teacher isn’t in again until then.

When we got in dinky and I had a big hug. Dinky asked me where the blood on my hand had come from. I told her that when she was upset she bit me. She seemed genuinely upset about making me bleed. She snuggled into me for a whole minute. Since then she has been watching Netflix. Although just before dinner she realised that she left her seed at school. Luckily I had some grow your own cress kits from her trip to mcDonald’s with her special needs group a long while ago. So we set it up so she could watch it grow. Although she made it quite clear she wasn’t doing the writing or drawing it. So I said we would take pictures everyday of its growth and if she wants to write on it she can, if not she wont.

She is still watching Netflix. I am dreading the getting ready for bed!

I have no idea what has changed as the rest of the week she has been ok in school, just some minor issues about sitting on the carpet. Well, that is as far as I am aware.

We are not doing anything special tomorrow, but sunday we have been put down for a special needs activity day at the leisure centre.

I just hope Dinky feels better tomorrow…


2 thoughts on “What on earth prompted this?

  1. Oh DM, I remember these days so well they are an exact replica of my school pick ups with Mollie. I wasn’t blogging when M was 5 but in my timeline I briefly described school pick ups. Dinky is struggling more and more with school isn’t she, bless her. Mollie could go for weeks without incident but then we would have weeks with incidents every single day. All the wonderful work that you are doing at home is being undone at school. Dinky needs her own individual timetable, full time 1 on 1 support and pda strategies and understanding being used at school. This situation will continue to get worse for you if the school do not take things on board and give Dinky the support that she needs Now!!! You will need a Statement of Special Education Needs to enable Dinky to get the support. I managed to get one for Mollie by applying myself or perhaps the school could do this for you. When I first got mine I Mollie was given 20 hours support and at that time she did not have a diagnosis of anything. I was backed up by the school who were basically saying that they could not managed without support, I was refused at first but took it to a tribunal and they settled before the tribunal date. I will try and find a link for you about how to apply as things may have changed since I did it. With regard to sunlight it may be worth considering if Dinky has Irlen Syndrome which Mollie has. I think our children change and develop different difficulties over time due to hormones at different stages of development not being in sync with the brain, as Jude has said. Huge sleep issues started for M at about 5-6 so it many be worth reading my recent sleep posts just so you are prepared in case Dinky follows a similar path. I am so sorry to sound negative but I am worried for you and Dinky because it is like reading about myself and I know how hard it is. My email address is on my blog, if you would like a chat just email me your tel no.

    You may have already read this but it may be worth a re read. http://shiggs55.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dyslexia-adhd-or-irlen-syndrome-tinted-lenses-can-help/

    This link has a great guide of how someone with dyslexia and or Irlen syndrome can see words. I used this and asked M if this is how she saw things.

    Applying for a statement

    Parent partnership will assist and guide you. They will advocate for you at meetings and be on your side. I have used them in the past, they are fab, you need support!!!!

  2. Thank you fro replying Jane,
    School seems to be the issue. Sundays meltdown was awful (I still have the bite marks), and yesterday was just as bad.
    My problem with getting the statement is that Dinky’s new school were questioning putting her on the SEN register for her behaviour. This is a school which apparently is used to dealing with behavioural difficulties. The deputy when I went to see him said she probably wont be a big problem as he never had to go down more than twice in a week. The senco believes Dinky is smart enough to follow the school’s own behaviour system. They didn’t know about the info I had given when dinky had started (which included a copy of your PDA booklet). This is apparently the worst day she has had so far in this school.
    I don’t think they will say they cant cope… Yet.
    All that will probably change when Dinky has to move from early years which is still play based, to a more structured learning environment where she will be expected to write.
    I am building up my case for more help in school. I have a meeting with the two teachers on Wednesday and I will find out how she is getting on academically, she has the referral to speech and language, and the paediatrician appointment coming up.
    It is horrible to say it but I think she will have to just go with it for the next 5 weeks. Once she hits KS1 and things get worse, maybe they will start listening?
    For now all I can do is carry on what I am doing at home and making sure she knows this is her safe environment and drop as many demands and expectations as I can.

    I have already been intrigued by your posts on sleep as dinky doesn’t sleep much. She has about 8-9 hours. She will stay up in her room playing until 10-11pm. This is a new thing. She used to be asleep by 7-8pm every night. I don’t know if it could possibly be down to her high anxiety levels from school that she hasn’t managed to get out of her system?
    It feels like I’m shooting in the dark here.

    Also I am not sure if its a comfort or just plain scary to hear you say this is just like Mollie at 5!

    I will look at the links you gave me…

    thanks again for replying….

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