Those of you who may have read Sunday’s post will know that my Dad was more than useless during Dinky’s meltdown at the end of half term.
I think the biggest problems were that:
- He had never seen her attack me like that. He had seen her refuse to budge from outside the local shops, but not attacking like she did.
- He was sceptical of PDA, and to be fair I don’t blame him really, it would be nice for him to have faith in me and my judgement. But PDA isn’t widely recognised. He also didn’t take the time to read the info I gave him.
- He didn’t want to believe there was an issue.
Today he came over in the afternoon, Dinky was in her room watching Netflix and playing (jumping on her bed). Every time she came down it seemed she was easy to ‘set off’. My dad actually reacted differently and helped her understand something she had done rather than punish her!
It was quite funny actually.
My dad had brought a pack of 3 chocolates, 1 for each of us. Dinky had come down to greet him, grabbed 2 packets and run off upstairs. By the time we’d realised what she had done it was too late. She had eaten both packets! My dad said ” you have eaten mummy’s buttons”. She didn’t look bothered by what he had said.
He asked her to come down and he showed her the packet. He showed her that there were supposed to be 3 in there. He asked her to count how many people were in the room. She counted 3. So how many were each of us going to have? 1…. Then it hit her that she had taken mine, which meant I didn’t have any. (I wasn’t bothered, but it is a good lesson for her to learn). I put on my best sad face, because unless you genuinely look sad or are bleeding you can’t be upset or hurt, according to Dinky. She apologised… then made us both laugh by shrugging her shoulders and saying that we should both share my dad’s buttons! Definitely not daft, and very much a dinky thing to say!
We spent some time talking about dinky. I read him the reply from Jane on my last blog post. (thankfully he is a technophobe so wont be reading this!). It really hit home having someone else say that that is exactly how their PDA daughter was at 5. It confirms I am not crazy.
Dinky spent much of today in her room. She didn’t want to be around anyone. She came down just before dinner and wanted to play angry birds frustration with my dad. It seems to be one of those things that she only does with him. I love listening to them play it, Dinky always manages to win. She seems so happy when she is sending one of his pieces home and she is getting much, much better at taking her turn, and not rushing or banging the pieces. Of course she still does it sometimes, but she realises that it actually ruins the game. I watched as she won the game. I don’t think she should win as much as she does as she was calling him a loser and this is how you create bad losers. Problem is she is too good for my dad and despite him trying he cant seem to win!
I must say though she isn’t like that with me. If she wins she normally shares her victory with me. She also shares my glory when it comes to games of FIFA 13 between my dad and I.
She made me laugh again before bed. My dad went out and she was sitting on the back of the sofa. I was asking her something and she said
“You are testing my patience. My patience does not like to be tested!”
I was gobsmacked! She said she was practising patience. I have no idea what that was about.
It was not until after her bath and she got ready for bed that I worked out what was making her more anxious. She was upstairs watching Netflix on her tablet before bed, or so we thought she was….
She came down with something she had written for my dad. It was the worst piece of writing I had seen from her. I couldn’t make out more than ‘from dinky’ at the end. When she came down a second time I asked her what she had meant. She said that she didn’t want to go to activities at the leisure centre tomorrow. She said there were better things to do at home.
It took a minute for it to click in my head. Of course. Last time I said she was going to activities at the leisure centre I dropped her off and left her, she got the 3 incident reports in the 4 hours she was there. It must have been miserable for her. Poor bubba. So I went upstairs and sat with her on her bed. I told her that it wasn’t the same thing as last time. This is for special kids, and mummy and granddad are staying with her, we were not going to leave. It was going to be something we could do together as a family. She seemed a little happier but still not great. She ended up staying up until 9.30pm.
Sometimes I forget just how much anxiety going out can cause. I don’t want to end up being stuck in for the whole summer holidays with her so I need to reassure her that I wont leave her apart from the trips with her special needs groups which she likes going to.
I have decided to only do the afternoon session, and I have pre warned my dad that any inkling that she is not having fun, or is finding it hard and we are leaving. I feel bad enough making her go to a school that isn’t supporting her needs, without inflicting weekend anxiety on her.
I think for the time being we will have to limit what we do on a weekend so she can recharge from school.
These next few weeks are going to be very important for Dinky. I have to make sure I do it all right… and it all starts with the meeting with her teachers next week, then the speech and language team, then the paediatrician, the only thing is she wont understand just how important it all is.
I hope I haven’t built up all this anxiety for tomorrow. If she doesn’t want to go I am not going to persuade her. I guess I will only know tomorrow. This is such a massive learning curve, trial and error. The problem is every error has an impact on my baby girl.