Today the battle with school continues!

Today was one of those days I would sooner forget! I am still very angry, but I have taken some time to calm down from where I was.

Let me start from the beginning of the day..

Dinky and I get up at 6.30am. We stay in my bed until the alarm (which dinky calls the blarm!) goes off at 7.20am

It was a bit of an effort but I managed to get dinky to eat breakfast. after breakfast it was a fight to get her ready for school. Well, I stood there and applied the 5 D’s of dodgeball!

She was shouting in a baby voice ‘Not going’. As she emptied the bookcase in my direction. Once she finally got dressed after showing me the cress (that we haven’t managed to kill yet!), and then she put the jamotes (remotes), on the shelf, then she didn’t have the right jumper. Eventually she was dressed. Then when I said it was time to get her coat on she hid under the washing and said she wasn’t going to school. When I asked why, she said it was because school was stupid and I was stupid and she hated school.

I left her for 10 minutes, then went back to her. After another 10 minutes and after being punched, kicked, and bitten, I manage to get her coat on, wrist reins on and down the stairs.

On the way to school the grass cutters were out, which meant 3 men with strimmers. So I had to straddle Dinky, so I could hold both ears until we got away from them.

We went into school and dinky went straight to the role play shop. I had to try and get her out before she got too comfy! But end of the week teacher came over to me and said that they were postponing the meeting regarding dinky’s academic progress so that the head could call everyone together.


Dinky and I made a flower at the creative table and it was put on the wall, I left her with one of the mums that likes reading stories to the children in the mornings.

On my way home I decided to phone the lady from integrated services, I left a message, asking her to call me back.

Which she did.

I told her bits of what is going on, she decided it would be better if she came out to discuss the issues.

The whole day I am still thinking about the school, and what will happen in the big meeting. I wonder how dinky is going to cope today. I wonder if she can keep herself in check. Or whether I am going to end up dealing with meltdown dinky.

I begin to write a letter to the school. I don’t quite know what I should say, but it feels good to vent sometimes.

When I went to get dinky the teacher asked if she could have a word.

She said that dinky had found carpet time hard and that they are going to have to have a discussion about Simba.
I said that I was told her could stay as he was useful for getting dinky to comply with carpet time.

She said that it wasn’t working anymore and Is only serving as a distraction. Then she asked for the contact book.

I said that I didn’t see the point as I wasn’t getting any useful information from it.

She looked all offended and then got defensive. She said that if I wasn’t happy I should have said something, I told her I had spoken to beginning of the week teacher, I can not be held responsible for messages not being shared. She said that as far as she was aware she was only supposed to put in a small amount. So I had to explain that ‘up and down day’ did not mean anything to me. Again she was all offended.

I don’t see what the big deal is. Surely she understands that up and down doesn’t actually give an indication of what dinky’s day was actually like?

I made a point saying that it could mean that she had small periods of up and majority down or vice versa. It also doesn’t give me or them any indication of what sets her off. They may as well save their energy and not write anything.
I told her that I have no idea what has made dinky unwilling to come to school, and I may have done if the book was written in the way I was told it would be.. Informative.

She said

“well, yes they said about that, yet she seems happy enough when she gets here”.  It was said in that condescending, disbelieving tone.

At that point I told Dinky it was time to go. I had enough. This teacher obviously knows my daughter best… muppet!!!

I managed to get dinky home without too many problems. She was a little whiney but that was all. I got her in and watched Netflix and span in a circle for a few minutes, before an early dinner. It is swimming day after all.
I wrote a letter while she ate to the school, saying that communication is a big issue and while I understand that it is difficult for the teachers as there are two of them and that they have a class to welcome in the morning and pair with their responsible adults at home time. If the communication carries on being this flawed then it could jeopardise the home school relationship as I am losing faith and trust in the school as the only way it seems to get things done is to speak to a member of the senior leadership team.

I also went over the points that the teacher raised and showed how that was part of PDA.

I doubt they will listen, but I am fuming!

I wasn’t told the outcome of the meeting or what was discussed. I was only made to feel like a neurotic parent.

I will see what the integrated services lady says tomorrow

2 thoughts on “Today the battle with school continues!

  1. would it be worth asking the school if they would watch one of Neviile’s PDA / Education videos ? failing this would the lady from integrated services perhaps watch one so that she can advocate even better on your half. I think it is time to get parent partner ship involved Dinky’s mum because this situation may continue to intensify until you simply can’t get her in at all. The problem may not be down to specific things that are happening during the day but may just be down to the concept of school as a whole. She needs extra support and an individual timetable, following class structure and rules may just be too much for her at the moment. xxxxxx This is how the pattern of complete school refusal began to take shape with Mollie but the school have a chance to alter that path with Dinky. Would they read any excerpts from Mollie’s timeline ? Could they look out for the following behaviours while she is at school and write these in the contact book for you which will help to build Dinky’s profile ready for her assessment. These are posters made by the ENC which indicate the signs to look out for

    Click to access Poster-2-A4.pdf

    Have the school been utilizing their resources to have professionals in to observe Dinky and to visit her at home e.g. educational psychologist or ASD inclusion team. Mollie had these prior to her receiving any formal diagnosis.

    sorry to plop a load of info on you, I know that you are very astute and that you are already a wonderful advocate for Dinky and so I don’t want to come across as trying to teach a grandmother how to suck eggs lol. Perhaps the info or ideas may be of some use, good luck with the meeting xxxx

    • Plop away lol…
      I may be astute but I still do not know how the whole education system works around helping, as all I have had is ignorance and muppets lol
      It is great having advice from someone who actually has ‘been there and done that’, with PDA those with the t-shirts are hard to find!
      The woman from integrated services wasn’t well so didn’t come out.
      I am preparing a folder for the school. Obviously my first attempt didn’t get far, the one teacher was all happy, eager and willing and still says she can see traits in dinky. It is end of the week teacher that needs convincing. Or rather the senco and the senior leadership team as dinky is not going to be in the early years much longer, and I need someone who will be able to clue in the next teacher as we move up the school. (If she stays there).
      I will phone parent partnership now and see what they say.

      Jane, you are wonderful and helpful and always full of great advice. Thank you x

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