Today was a win!
Although less of a win then I first thought.
Let me explain…
When Dinky went to her first school, they were all,
“Yes, we will help and do our best and what is in her best interests”.
When in reality what happened was a lot of nodding and “poor kid”.
Which resulted in the only thing they did for her (which also helped the teacher) was give her play therapy (which I believe became a good route out of the class room for her), and gave her, her own behavioural system, which she got pretty bored with. Although the senco did spend a lot of time with dinky.
Then they said “X school would be better, as they are used to dealing with families like yours”. Basically they used our housing situation to get rid of the trouble child.
Then there is this school… While I stand by the fact they should have spoken to me earlier and maybe, we could have avoided it getting this far. As it turns out it seems they do want to help, I MAY have misjudged them, but only time will tell…
So, today’s meeting….
It was with the senco and the head teacher (I still am not very keen on the senco, as she still seems a little work shy to me!)
Finally I hear the truth from a school for a change. I think I might actually like this head teacher as she is straight to the point and factual. I don’t like all the walking on eggshells and have made it quite clear that I would prefer the truth.
They started with the head’s assessment of dinky, which is both rather amusing and pretty spot on! This is what she said roughly….
“Dinky is very, very, bright, definitely not below average, I would say above average. What does come across is her need to control EVERYONE, adults and children. She is very smart when it comes to this and knows exactly what she is doing. For most kids they get the attention and that is enough for them. Dinky will get the attention and want to keep it. Everything is about power..”
I had to stop myself laughing… yes, I know dinky is controlling, and needs to be in control… my little miss PDA! She continues…
“She also uses running off as means of control”
Not quite unless someone is trying to control her or is giving a demand, which can be taken as needing to be in control.
“our other concern is her hitting other children.”
First I had heard of it… But then that is the teachers fault. They really need to let me know she is hitting. I tell them that I had no idea she had hit another child until Friday.
I come back with,
“Yes that sounds like dinky, and sounds like PDA.” And I show them the folder, I don’t go through it but I say, “In the folder is all the information I have collated on PDA, and one of the criteria is ‘led by a need to control’. As for the running off, it is probably when it is a structured activity, so you have avoidance. At the end I have put how PDA and dinky go together.”
So we sit and they say that they want to tackle the issue of hitting, and the issue of running off. I don’t know what I can do. She doesn’t run away from me in the house unless it is to do homework, and the hitting I do give a consequence for. It is up to dinky then to learn from the consequence. If her brain doesn’t work that way there is little I can do.
So we are going to try social stories for the hitting and the running away is a little trickier.
Dinky is on wrist reins, I took them off her when she was 3, and although we still had periods where she was unsafe, it was ok most of the time though, but they had to go back on shortly after starting school when her behaviour really went downhill and she was running more and more and it was harder to catch up with her when she put herself in such danger.
I explained this… the head said “Is there nowhere, where there are few roads where you could let her walk?”
She soon realised there wasn’t. So there is nothing I can do to tackle it. As far as her running in school goes it is normally due to her high levels of anxiety and her demand avoidance. They are going to see if they can give her somewhere to run to.
I mentioned that the lead professional (integrated services lady) was coming round tomorrow morning and they are going to come up with a plan and give me a copy. Well, I have to give it to them, they are now going to make an effort. They haven’t so far, and I have had a right to be annoyed, and if they do not follow through, I will be very angry, and they will know ALL about it!
Dinky is going to get an I.E.P and the speech and Language will probably be in September. Which is fine.
In regards to the afterschool problem, we are going to have a now and next. Which gives less warning of an activity, but just may see us get home without too much of a fight. As long as we don’t have a park one!
It is hard to remember everything that was discussed.
They are no longer going to put her on the list for play therapy because we all know dinky doesn’t really need it.
They are going to use nurture a little more with her. I am going to have to look into that more. I think I know where the head was going last time with the attachment thing. Apparently all but 1 of the kids in there have attachment issues and if dinky had attachment issues, then she would ‘qualify’ to be in there. Something about boxall profiles. I will look that up later with interest. Although they have said that they may be able to use it more if she needs it.
Fridays are a big problem, and it is something they are going to look at because not only is there a change in routine (and although many PDA children do not like routine there are a number that do, dinky is one of them), and it is very structured in terms of demands, which is difficult for her too. So they are going to look at changing Friday for dinky.
In regards to the school trip… They are going to talk to the special needs group and find out what they do to keep dinky safe. I guess they will let me know about the trip when they have spoken to the group leader.
We have to draw a line under the past with school and move forward.
They haven’t said no to the trip… (But then again, I didn’t really give them any choice!)
The latest issue now is that when it is phonics time, dinky will hide under the table. Today, they got the deputy as dinky refused to come out, and she still won’t sit properly for carpet time. She couldn’t at the old school either. I think she really struggles with it, but I do not know what the problem is. She tells me she just wants to be on her own.
We actually went to the park today, but only for a short time.
She walked home nicely but started getting over the top once we got in, so she is watching Netflix.
Let’s see how we get on tomorrow with the lady from integrated services.