Today was a hard day in the battle of getting Dinky support…

I love Dinky to the ends of the universe and back again.

However today I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained!

After the sending home yesterday, I went in this morning to find out exactly what they are calling it and what they plan on doing.

I walked into the office and asked the receptionist if she could find out whether or not Dinky was formally excluded yesterday. She said she would find out for me.
I wasn’t expecting for her to come back and take me to the head teacher! The head wasn’t in yesterday and nor was the deputy, apparently they are the only ones allowed to exclude a child formally, so Dinky was just sent home as a ‘cooling off’ period. She did say that she was going to find out exactly what happened and then make sure it does not happen again!

(This is not exactly the breakthrough it sounds like. It is definitely illegal for them to have sent dinky home according to UK law.)

We discussed the issues of sending her home yesterday and the possible consequences if they were to start formally excluding her.

I explained that I did not want Dinky to realise that one way out of doing what she is supposed to be doing is to be violent towards other children or the school’s staff. No-one goes to work to be attacked and I assured her I do not condone Dinky’s behaviour, however the reasons behind the behaviour need to be looked at. I was told that dinky refused to do as she was told by an adult and then kicked a teacher. Maybe if they pushed too much for her. I don’t know.

We discussed the need to be in control again, and we discussed the possibility of dinky’s future. The head said that while she hopes that the school will be the right placement for dinky, there is a possibility it might not be the right setting in the future. She is not sure whether or not this will happen. She said that she has an 80% success rate with children like Dinky. The 20% that she is unsuccessful with were a lot older.

I think I misjudged the head, as I caught her off guard, and I met her when I was not in the best of moods. However at the moment I am merely impressed with her straight talking and plan making. The proof is in the pudding, as they say.

Anyway back to our conversation… She asked what happened when dinky got home. So I told her after wrestling her home, she trashed her room and then she fell asleep on me for a few minutes before the phone rang. She asked me if I had a camera phone. Then if I could take pictures as it might help if we were to get a statement down the line.

I told her that I had been told that we should apply for a statement for dinky but I wasn’t sure. She said that if I were to request it then it would be looked at quicker than if the school did it. She said I should have a look at the SENCOP and see where we stand on statutory assessment.

 

I do realise that sometimes I say things in meetings that might not come out right or may sound off, but sometimes I forget to say all that I am thinking. Like I was thinking it would make it easier for them if I do it and then they would get more funding. I think it came out as “yes, well maybe the school doesn’t have the resources to deal with dinky’s needs, as she had to come home yesterday, she has already missed one trip”. The difference between the two statements is that the first one I sound like I am trying to help, the second sounds like a criticism of her school. Maybe I should suggest that we have contact via email? I don’t know.

She said she will find out what happened yesterday and let me know tomorrow as I have a meeting arranged with her then anyway.

When I got home I was reading the SENCOP and then phoned my key worker to let her know what had happened.

I called SEN SOS, and asked them for their take. Again it was suggested that if they felt the need to send her home, despite the head teacher’s assurances that it won’t happen again, that they probably need extra help and they can get that with the statutory assessment. Then if it leads to a statement then it will only help the school.

 

I can’t get over how surreal the whole situation is.

 

Then I have a massive argument with my dad.

He still hasn’t read anything on PDA, he asked me about the appointments with the school and integrated services today. Not when they actually happened. Then he actually took everything I said and threw it back in my face.

I have managed to get both the integrated services and the school to take PDA on board (granted the integrated services more than the school – but there is still time for that! J ), but my own father. No.

 

I must admit at about 1pm I just cried.

I have had enough. Meeting after meeting and although things are said, Dinky still got sent home from school illegally. I feel like I have spent this whole week in meetings. Another 2 tomorrow. I don’t have much real life support, my dad is normally the one who stands by me, but he just doesn’t get it.

 

When I collected dinky today she was very tense and anxious. I put the headphones on her to come home. When we got in, I made her dinner, and then drew up a gelli baff bath. Dinky loved it! SO I have ordered her some more!

It is nearly 9pm and she is still awake, playing.

 

I am shattered tomorrow will be a busy day….

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6 thoughts on “Today was a hard day in the battle of getting Dinky support…

  1. Just wanted you to know I think you are doing a great job for your daughter, hope your meetings go ok tomorrow xx

  2. It is better to cry than to try and hold it all in and if anyone deserves a good old cry its you. You are dealing with so much at the moment with no one to fully support you. I know your dad helps in every way that he can but this isn’t the same as having the support of someone who truly understands the condition. You are doing amazingly well and eventually the penny will drop with others that Dinky’s needs really do need to catered for now rather than later. xxxxx

    • Thanks Jane…
      I do my utmost not to cry for the most part.
      It was my dad that made the eyes leak! (One of dinkys sayings lol)
      Love him to bits but he is great at looking after her when he wants to (which is as long as I am in the house to take over when he sets her off), but unless he understands PDA he is not going to understand dinky. He seems to think he can learn by watching what I do, but that is not really going help as most of what I do is in reaction to understanding her. H said some really stupid things. If yesterday I needed someone to discuss this with, today is all the worse… Yet, we are not talking at the minute because he doesn’t understand why I’m so angry with him…
      Oh well, it is what is it is right?

  3. My dad never read anything on pda either, he can read perfectly well but struggles to retain the information that he has read. Therefore I have had to teach him about pda bit by bit by passing my knowledge onto him. The same can also be said for my hubbie, perhaps your dad will come around eventually but it will be by trial and error and learning from you rather than from reading and educating himself. I think that throwing ourselves into every bit of information that we can find and even being prepared to read a telephone directory if we thought it would help our child is reserved for parents only and the others have to learn from us. Would he find it easier to watch Nevilles videos rather than read, this my dad did do, some people can learn more via a video or film than by reading. Invite him round, tie him up and put you ipad directly infront of his face and refuse him water until every last video has been watched 😉
    It’s worth a try and once he is fully onboard perhaps he could support you at some of your meetings, or is that me being too optimistic 🙂

  4. My dad can learn by reading, he won’t though.
    The thing with my dad is I am used to him letting me down when I need him the most…
    It comes with the territory of being born into my family

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