Never underestimate the stupidity of the supposedly educated…

This was my lesson today!

Dinky was in full demand avoidance mood, and when she first got up, looked like she was about to burst into tears or have a full scale meltdown!

She didn’t want breakfast, then she did, but not the one she asked me to buy her the day before, or any of the 5 open boxes of cereal we currently have. One of which was launched across the kitchen…

Once she had eaten she was better, but still (as always) in demand avoidance mode. She hid under the blanket and employed

  • NO
  • I cant I’m busy
  • Don’t want to go to school
  • Baby language
  • Reducing meaningful language to noise
  • Hiding
  • Distraction
  • Asking questions
  • Writing
  • Then flat out ignoring like I don’t exist

Ah we love the mornings! Not!!!

Once she was dressed we left and she was fine. We got to school fine, she did the activity ok… but then found her new best friend- the boy who went to nurture with her.

I left her to it and went to my meeting with the head.

I am always amazed at how different she is everytime I meet her. I am sure she has some form of split personality. This one seems to not recall any meeting but the one we had last week where she brought up attachment issues. Except this time, dinky is just an attention seeking child who is birght and likes to be in total control of everything. Ok… nothing much has changed then except… “She will more than likely grow out of it”.

I could have had an argument there and then about the fact that Dinky was going to a developmental paediatrician at the autism spectrum clinic within the child development centre and I don’t know many kids that just ‘grow out’ of autism spectrum disorders!

Of course if this is the same head from the first time, this is the one who not only runs a primary school but also has medical degree, has specialised in paediatrics and then in developmental disorders! As Dinky cant possibly have an ASD.

Except she says Dinky will CONTINUE to have trouble making friends if she lashes out at them and has problems communicating.

… Does that not sound ASD to you?

I did say that she has been like this since she was 2 and hasn’t grown out of it… her response “some don’t but will later”

But she is nearly 5 and a half. “Yes, there is still time…” Oh dear lord (I am not religious but I might be wrong because I also didn’t believe educated people could be so stupid!)

The head was also talking about her being on an ofsted training course (hopefully in how to appear less of a muppet.. or perhaps how to communicate effectively with parents… or better still… laws schools HAVE to follow… although the muppet one would be good!).

She said that as she wont be there, she will tell her staff it is ok to send Dinky home if she is too much to cope with.

WOW!!! There is so much wrong with that it is hard to know where to begin!
Yes, I know lets send children who avoid school work like the plaugue home if they feel like it by teaching them all they have to do is hit an adult! It seems stupidity knows no bounds!

Yes, tell your staff it is ok to send the challenging pupil home in your absence then watch them send them home at 9.30 am!!! (I don’t trust her teachers!)

Yes, lets break the law but informally excluding a SEN pupil for a couple of afternoons! NO NO NO!! seriously, I was already on a lack of red bull, she was starting to get on my last nerve!

I had to sit there saying to myself

Don’t say anything they will regret… don’t say anything they will regret… don’t say anything they will regret… just don’t say anything!!!

Then she was talking about the trip. “And you don’t want to come”, it also seems she hassoem memory issues..

It is not that I don’t want to.. it will be no good for dinky as I will be anxious because I don’t know any of the parents, or the teachers and you want to stick me on a beach with them and 90 children! Dinky will pick up on my anxiety and then all hell will break loose and then I will be more anxious because EVERYONE will be looking at us!

Senco comes in.. (she just has this gormless expression which is not endearing at all!), then the head says “Mum doesn’t want to come on the trip..”

Me “No.. that is not what I said….” Wow… communication fail!

The head said “mum is adament she go… however If she does go we will have to staff it to the hilt and make sure someone can catch her as she is very fast and it is a big beach”.

First of all… yes the beach stretches almost the entire south coast ‘big’ is a bit of an understatement!… still, I think dinky might not get that far!

Second… Damn right I amadament she goes… does INCLUSION mean NOTHING to this school?

Third…. Staff to the hilt is abit much… she only needs 1:1, all they need is someone fast and trained in team teach!!!

Forth… did they NOT read my letter concerning a small matter of 2 acts of LAW??

She also said that she is unsure whether or not she will sign off on it yet. grrrr

We went over the IEP…

Me: Is the social story ready?

Senco: Er.. no I hve found it but I still have to edit it

Me: Now and next

Senco: It is with the teacher

Me: is it specific

Senco: you will have to ask the teacher

I wanted to shout “you made the thing!”

 

Oh dear… by ths point I just wanted to lay down in a dark room!

 

Then to top it off…

HT: have you got family support services

Me: No, I had been waiting months only to be denied the serivce because you are an academy and don’t buy in to it

HT: Rubbish!

Me: So this letter (that I was pulling out of my folder on all things dinky), must be mistaken.

HT: can I see it

Me: that is why I pulled it out of the folder.   (give me strength!!!)

HT: Well that can be right

Me: well, I can only go by what I have been told!

Head teacher scans the document which has the referral on which wasdont by the old senco who was sure it was a housing issue… I was NOT expecting what happened next AT ALL….

HT: I didn’t know you were homeless and in a hostel…. Was it intentional?

 

 

Again SO SO many things wrong with that last sentence!

  1. How could she not know
  2. Bad bad communication
  3. Unprofessional not to have checked dinkys file from last school
  4. Asking if it was intentional is a bit of a bloody cheek!!!

That was it I had enough!!!

If I get a call from the school to go get her Monday or Tuesday, I am going to refuse unless they are excluding her formally, and I have a written document of what happened ready to take with me when we go and also that the school pays for a taxi to go home (because had I engaged my brain on Wednesday I would have seen that the quickest, simplist and easiest way to have gotten her home would have been a taxi… hindsight= 20/20.)

If they refuse to let her on the trip, all matter of hell is going to break loose!!! I will get confirmation that dinky is entitled to the protection of the DDA and equality act, and I will take it as far as it has to go! Governers, complaint to academy bosses, ofsted, local paper… they will not exclude my dinky because of something she cant control!!!

I was so angry I drafted a letter outlining the head teachers poor communication and decision making, and that it seems she believes she is above the law because surely the school can not be so incompetant, that they are unaware of the laws in our contry regarding discrimination, and illegal exclusion!

Then the integrated services lady arrived fresh from her visit with the head teacher!

It seemed that the head had acted like we had never spoken. She asked the integrated services lady why dinky was on wrist reins.

Roads, cars, death… those are my main reasons….

She asked if I had been on any parenting courses, but the integrated services lady told her I don’t need them! J did I mention I quite like integrated services lady??

We went over my meeting with the head and senco and the integrated services lady said that she would send the primary mental health team to go into the school and give them strategies that will work with dinky. PDA and ASD ones, as that is what fits.

She said that the wonderful thing is that dinky has me fighting for her and for what she needs. Which was nice.  
We talked about dinky and what I am doing with myself… and then she looked at Dinky’s trashed room from last night.

Although it looks awful as she has no curtains or lightbulb in there. I had to explain that it is light enough for her to play without a bulb but she still turns it on. So I took it out as she should be aslee by the time it gets dark, and she has no curtains as she doesn’t like the dark and they would probably never be shut or just get ripped down by dinky anyway… Although I think I had probably better put curtains and a lightbulb in when she comes next Thursday to meet diny again…

Other than that… my day has not been very eventful.

Dinky got 3 out of 4 smiley faces for her phonics so I brought her a magazine. She was happy, we walked home, at home she read the magazine and watched tv. She read me 2 books and rocked for 20 minutes on her rocking horse (Small fake fur covered plastic toddler one, not proper one… those things look awesome!).

She did her normal demand avoidance for bedtime thing. And is currently watching netflix in her room…

Me, I don’t know what I am going to do with myself for the evening. At least it is the weekend… no dealing with the schools stupidity!!!

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4 thoughts on “Never underestimate the stupidity of the supposedly educated…

  1. I really don’t know what to say other than I am in awe of your superb resilience and wonderful powers of restraint when dealing with such incompetent imbeciles. I really don’t know how you have managed to hold your tongue but this will be to your benefit in the long run. How they can have the info on PDA and the daily contact with Dinky and still refuse to link the two together I do not know. Given the sudden U turn in approach from the head you do have to wonder if someone else higher up the chain is pulling her strings. It all seems very strange indeed, at least integrated support services are still advocating for you and fingers crossed you will soon have a deff ASD diagnosis to support Dinky’s needs. Or even better your local authority may recognize and diagnose PDA but if not an ASD diagnosis will be a good start to get the school to start accepting their responsibilities.xxxx

    • To be honest I don’t know how I did it today either.
      I think (and i may be wrong) she could be one of ‘those’…”she is too sociable, loves role play and has imagination” that rules asd out. As for PDA well, it isn’t in the diagnostic manual so therefore it doesn’t exist.
      Imbecile, muppet, you name it types…

      I have learnt you can’t argue with those who think they are above you and think they are right. Their power goes to their head and then no matter what you say, you will be treated as the crazy person. What doesn’t help is having the paperwork to prove I am slightly crazy, because it means I get listened to less.
      So I sit back. Let them talk, let them gain momentum, then hang them with a rope of their own making.

      Hopefully with integrated services lady on board we can get somewhere! But I don’t expect it to be anytime soon…

  2. you are very wise indeed, in fact I am going to take those words of wisdom and insight into the stupid with me when I next meet with education regarding home education approval. Thank you I shall meet with them on 04/07/13 and approach them with the Dinky Mum method 😉

  3. Lol 🙂
    I am glad to be of some help.
    You have some advantages come the 4/7… You have a dx and you are saving them a lot of money! Forget sitting back and watching them power struggle with themselves (face it we get enough of that with PDA kids), you have more than enough proof that M can’t allow herself to be taught in a school setting no matter how great the resources of the latest school. Damage has been done and forcing you into trying to get her into school will not only destroy M but it will consume you also and you have not only M, but your son to think about too.
    I don’t see how they can’t see it your way as it benefits them, as having her at home must be cheaper than 2:1 and a place at a specialist school.

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