Another Sunday, another meltdown…

 

Today was my dad’s 50th birthday. The plan was that dad would come over about 11am, we go to see Epic in the cinema in the afternoon and then home and my dad would leave before dinky went to bed so that he could go out for the evening.

In my dads own words

“Well, she gave me a memorable 50th!” (As he escaped at 5.30pm)

The day didn’t start too badly. Dinky was up messing about and playing the silly morning games we play, (tickle time, jump on mummy, catch me if you can and who can have the quilt). She had breakfast and was a pickle getting dressed. I rememinded her it was grandad’s birthday and she helped me put up the ‘THE BIG 50’ banners. We made my dad some monsters university cupcakes as birthday cake and Dinky had to get dresed again as she managed to get icing all down her clothes.

When my dad came dinky was in over excited mood. She was almost literally bouncing off the walls. My dad was not helping matters by winding her up.

My dad and I have this long standing thing where I take the micky because he is getting old. Obviously being 27, having a dad that is 50 is in no way old. However oldhabits die hard, he is my father so the 50th birthday presents (other than the samsung galaxy tab I purchased along with his camera lens for his SLR), reflected the joke.

Dinky thought it was hilarious as he was sat with an inflatable zimmer frame to practice on and some joke big ears to help him as he is hard of hearing.

Once we were out she was ok. She was fine during lunch and then was fine going into the cinema. I had gone over and over the routine of the day as I believe she needs to know what is coming.
During the film she wanted to go and play and I said no. So she buried her head in my back and had her hands over her ears. I sat her on my lap and asked if she wanted me to hold her ears. She nodded. She then sat through the rest of the film with no issues, as I was muffling the noise.
The film was ok, but not as good as I thought it would be.

Dinky wanted to play a game while we waited for the cab and my dad to have a smoke. They were all broken apart from a shoot em up. Dinky was holding the gun and shooting at the screen. I tried to get her out so that we could get the cab but she didn’t want to.

I hadnt put the wrist reins on her and she ran. She got hold of a bag of sweets and ripped them open, they went all over the floor… my dad lifted her up and got her out of the cinema. The cab was taking an age. Dinky went into full meltdown mode. She was kicking and screaming and trying to run off. When the cab eventually turned up, my dad had to wrestle her into the back of it. She didn’t want to go back to the cinema because it was too loud but she didn’t want to leave either. She didn’t know what she wanted. At first it was me trying to get her to sit down, then my dad took over. The cab driver was telling Dinky how naughty she was.

I said that this was not a kiddies tantrum. He asked if she wanted a sweet. I told him that no amount of sweets or drinks or bribary could stop this meltdown. We just needed to get home and I would appreciate it if her could just concentrate on driving.

Meanwhile Dinky was trying to climb out of the window, she opened the door, she head butt and spat at my dad, who was trying to stop her spitting all over the car.

Once we got home I ran and opened the door for my dad to get dinky in and then apologised to the cab driver and paid up.
When we got in dinky was just spitting everywhere. My dad offered her a drink, some cake, some sweets. I had to tell him to stop as she wasn’t going to stop for a milky bar!

She carried on trashing the place and then I had to stop her as she was throwing her wooden chairs around. It was then that I had to try and keep her in one place. She was shouting by this point that I didn’t love her.

I was so hurt.

I lifted her up and took her to her room so she could throw her toys wround with much less chance of brakages.

After a while I opened the door and gave her a hug. It seems that if she has gotten to the point of accepting a hug then the worst is over with.

I brought her downstairs where she sat on me for a bit. She still seemed very tense. She then saw the new Gelli Baff boxes we received yesterday and asked for a gelli baff. So I let her. My bathroom looked like a red jelly had exploded, but when she got out she was back to calm.

She had some pasta for dinner and  then happily had a bath.

While she was in the bath my dad and I spoke briefly. He said he had looked into PDA and was sorry. He said that dinky had given him a memorable 50th. Just before I got her out he left.

I had to dry and dress her but it was better than her kicking off again.

She watched a little t.v and then went up to watch netflix on her tab.

 

I am exhusted. Dinky seems to just be getting worse. She has never kicked off like that in a cab and never straight from the cinema, which she has been a couple of times last month with her special needs group.

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2 thoughts on “Another Sunday, another meltdown…

  1. Oh dear what a blimmin day you and your dad had. On the plus side at least he has read up on pda and said he is sorry, ahh bless him. Mollie is always worse, more hyper, more difficult and manic on special occasions i.e. birthdays, xmas, halloween, Easter and so on. Even on my 40th she needed complete control over the whole day and I had to stay at home with no family and only 2 very understanding friends while we all had to have a moshi monster party and wear her home made masks. A usual trip to the pics was perhaps harder due to the underlying excitement of you dads birthday. Because she was so manic and had done her best to sit through the film during which time she had also experienced heightened sensory issues probably due to anxiety, the blow out was probably inevitable. When it came you, as ever, managed it admirably with far more patience than I can ever seem to muster. Perhaps a thought for the future could be to allow a period of complete control for Dinky when she leaves somewhere and is showing high avoidance, stress, problems transitioning and so on. E.G. leave the cinema, allow time for her to do what she wants, notice when anxieties are reducing, then try and tempt her into the taxi, offer something to look forward to at the other end. It may not always be possible, I know, it may not always work and sometimes despite our best efforts it just goes belly up and we just have to deal with it the best that we can. Special occasions can lead to heightened anxiety and reduce the ability to cope with things that they usually take in their stride. For warned is for armed lol, keep an eye out for the development of increased hyperactivity, mania and control during any special occasions especially ones that are even further built up by school i.e. xmas, easter, halloween, birthdays, mother’s day and so on. I do hope that I am not coming across as telling you what to do it is just that it was at about this age that we had similar issues with M regarding special occasions. You are doing a fab, fab job and well done Dad 😀 Gosh I feel old, your dad is only 5 years older than my hubbie and 8 years older than me lol xxx

  2. Thanks Jane 🙂
    Never worry about thinking you are telling me what to do.
    You have been there, done that and begrudgingly own a collection of PDA meltdown moment t-shirts.
    I read your blog and take in your comments as it seems to be the best place of advice.
    Although I must say I do feel kind of guilty as I know you have to do the leg work and I am benefitting from it.
    I don’t think I could ever thank you or the lovely mum who introduced me to PDA enough…

    I will be on the lookout on special occasions from now on!

    Honestly, don’t worry about the age thing he maybe 50 but I am unsure who the parent is in our relationship lol

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