Private is a no go and our relationship

Today another blow in the diagnostic route to non existent services, but at least some recognition and possibly school help. I was talking to someone from our LA. Apparently services are only given to those with an NHS diagnosis. Which is great, if the NHS actually knew what he hell they were talking about within our CDC. I was even more astounded to find out that 3 special schools within our LA accept students with PDA. so where are they being diagnosed? It might be the oddest phone call the school have received!
“Hello, yes, I was wondering, the students with PDA, where were they diagnosed exactly?”
“I’m sorry what now?”
“My 5 year old seems to fit the criteria of PDA and yet my CDC don’t diagnose, where did your students get the diagnosis so I can ask for a referral to them?”

Line goes dead…. “Crazy woman on the phone!”

Yesterday I was going to blog but couldn’t get my head round the key working session.

It is hard sometimes talking to her about my relationship with Dinky. Not because I don’t trust her, she is wonderful, down to earth and really wants to help, it’s just our closeness levels are difficult to explain.
I want to be close to dinky, she can be very controlling over me but she is not the biggest hugger and it does hurt to watch all the other kids in their class hug their parents and be so happy to see them. Dinky on the other hand is more excited about her preconceived answer to a question she hasn’t asked yet. The first thing that comes out of her mouth is “are we going to the park?”. The next part of the interaction is purely based on the answer I give. If I say no she head butts and punches. If I say yes she rests her head on my hip which is her way of hugging.
Then again… There is the other side of it. Sometimes I can’t cope with the closeness due to my issues and it doesn’t phase dinky as she doesn’t see any difference. I on the other hand feel guilty and have brought it up with the GP who said I was being silly and that dinky was a happy soul. Which she is. So upshot, I’m not destroying my child with my intermittent closeness failures, but it is upsetting at times not to have that closeness with dinky that I would love to have 99.5% of the time.
The session was kind of a, where I am at in all areas. It was great to know that I have some areas where I excel, however socially, trust, and self esteem are not my strong points. I’m sure that would seem of little surprise, especially given my background. Astonishingly I score not so badly on hope for the future. Despite all the crap with getting Dinky’s issues taken seriously (without the addition of stupid ill fitting labels like ODD and attachment disorder), my issues being taken seriously and prospects on the job front at a low (although being dinky’s admin seems to be a full time job at the minute!), I actually am quite positive.

In the light of saving £800 for private assessment that will not be used by anyone, I have gone and brought dinky a bike for summer…
I am thinking retractable dog leash round the seat bar so she can’t whizz off without me and plough into the road or down the ditch near our fields. It might be a good way of getting her to go to school if she can go on her bike. Her old bike was rubbish, this one is pretty awesome!


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