Today’s lesson- if something looks too good to be true… It usually is!

Take Dinky’s behaviour over the last 2 weeks. We have had loads of mini meltdowns but no whoppers. I was starting to believe that we had really turned a corner. That was until today! I knew she was finding it hard on Sunday, which is why after the cinema yesterday I gave her the choice of a day in or a day at the special needs clubhouse. She chose the clubhouse.
We were off to a bad start when we missed the bus because Dinky decided that today she had run out of energy for walking and had to stop numerous times. Bad move no 2. We got a different bus which went a different way. This lead to her saying we were on the wrong bus and screaming to get off. Dinky had her badge on so at first people were scowling but once they had seen it they were ok. One woman turned to dinky and told her this bus is super fast and would zoom ahead of the one we missed. It took some doing but she calmed eventually.
When we got there she was bursting to get in. We had to sign in and then get her out into the playground. She played with the roundabout, drove one of those red cars with yellow roofs through the maze and managed to get it out through some undergrowth, went into the Wendy house with a toddler, played on the swings, bossed another child about in the sand box and pushed a baby around in a pram.
After that we went inside and dinky found a little girl, she must have been just about about 4 years old. She had started the ice age- Sheera and Diego game, but the little girl wasn’t interested. Dinky just shouted louder, the girl ignored her. Dinky started getting frustrated. The girl went into the sensory room. Dinky followed and was still shouting at the girl to pretend to be the boy cat/tiger. The girl was ignoring her. I tried to explain to dinky that the girl wasn’t interested, she said she understood, and still shouted for her to play. We moved back to the soft play room as the girl had moved again. Still dinky was trying and despite me trying to get her to do something, anything else other than try to control this poor little kid, she wouldn’t. The mum piped up, “oh she has an imagination on her doesn’t she?” I told her it was from ice age 4.
By this point dinky was getting angry that the girl wasn’t playing along, dinky asked what she was playing, and before the girl had answered fully, dinky said “that is stupid and weird!”.

I knew it was time to go. If the girl carried on ignoring Dinky, she would lash out and it wouldn’t be good!
I tried to get dinky to leave but she wouldn’t. It took a while for her to get her shoes on and then once outside she sat on the floor and refused to move. Our bus went past as she sat there. She was punching my legs and spitting at me, refusing to get the bus. When we got within 10 minutes of the next bus arriving I had to lift her up and cross the road while she was over my shoulder. I got dirty looks from a car driver, and some passers by. Which, I should be used to by now, but it still makes me flustered. I got her to the other bus stop and all hell broke loose. She was kicking, spitting, biting, screaming. She knew we were not going back into the clubhouse. At the beginning she was saying I wasn’t her mum, a passer by laughed as I told her that she should say that a little louder as a police car was coming and I might end up in prison for kidnapping! She was shouting that she didn’t love me, I replied, I love you though so it is ok. (Despite it being horrible to hear, I have to remember that it is her trying to hurt me because she is upset). Then she got to the point of no return. She was on the floor kicking me in the shins screaming. Two women in the Car park next to the bus stop were staring. Lovely, not!
When the bus arrived she was on edge but calming. The bus was packed and dinky was getting upset as she wanted me to sit with her. Thankfully someone let us sit. I got dinky her phone and headphones and she listened to her music. About halfway home she stopped it and apologised for hurting me, said she does love me, and went back to her music as if nothing had happened.

So that was today!

We have a visitor from a buddy scheme coming to do an assessment of our needs tomorrow. I’m sure Dinky will be thrilled… Not.

I am going to have to keep the next few days quiet and not too demanding for her so that maybe she will be happy and calm enough to handle the car journey and the trip to Legoland on Saturday. She also has a birthday party to go to on Sunday. Even thinking about it makes me shudder! I know I say I feel for her when she doesn’t get invited, yet when she does I am worried about how she will react and what she will be like.

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5 thoughts on “Today’s lesson- if something looks too good to be true… It usually is!

  1. Don’t worry! We had the same a few days ago ! after months of great behaviour Dillon has struggled with the holidays so far! And managed to rebruise the wrist that was quite happily bruise free for many months!! ( he’s a great biter if he gets the chance!) It doesn’t help that we’ve discovered when he’s been getting his Rice Krispies sugar has been sneaking on!!! So he’s now coming back down from a considerable high!!!! And getting used to the new routine of no school!!!! Very inconsiderate of teachers to need a break……… Which I’m allowed to say seeing as I am one!!!!! Hope the rest of your week goes better and I think we’re all with you on the subject of birthday parties !!!!!xx

  2. Hey Tracey,

    It must be much more of a shock after months of good behaviour! (This 2 weeks was a first since she started school that we have had a period meltdown free!). I guess I am ‘lucky’ because I don’t bruise easily, I have some teeth marks but they will be gone either tomorrow or the next day.
    Wow, sugar comedown and anxiety… I really do not envy you!
    Well, I think it is inconsiderate to have 6 weeks off, maybe 3 weeks is fairer … 4 weeks maximum 😉 lol !!!
    I must admit I do not envy you in your job, as much as Dinky’s teachers have been pretty much akin to chocolate fireguards, I do appreciate how difficult it must be to think of the needs of all 30 children in the class. I don’t know how you do it!
    I’m glad I am not the only one that dreads birthday parties!
    Thank you, and I hope Dillon manages to get used to the new routine of no school, although it doesn’t escape me that, by the time he does, it will be all change for back to school!

    thinking of you xx

    • Funnily enough, after years of working in infant schools , I’m currently teaching 15 and 16 year olds who have been kicked out of school because of their behaviour and are now with us at an alternative education resource!! Almost a home from home but their language Is worse than Dillon’s even on a bad day!! They don’t tend to get violent……. Although we did have to call the police last term to remove a table-leg- threatening young lad!!!!! It’s all fun and games, isn’t it!!!

  3. It really is such a slog isn’t it, well done for handling such an explosive situation with such dignity and without loosing your temper. Keeping calm wasn’t always my strong point and I do admire your ability to remain so steady in these situations. You are doing a fab job, who arranges the buddy scheme if you don’t mind me asking ??

    • Hi Jane.

      This is going to sound awful, but I have had a lot of practice at being hit and showing no response. Emotionally it is different when it is my child doing the hitting, but at least there is an explanation. A PDA meltdown. She can’t control it. I don’t always remain calm. I’m impatient and end up with her over my shoulder carrying a violent 5 year old if we are out and trying to get home.

      The short breaks service in our area have 3 different providers, this is an adult buddy, who will take dinky out for a small fee so I can have a break. I think this one is a charity, the short breaks service run by the county council has a lonnnnng waiting list for volunteers. Which mi not surprised at. Who in their right mind wants to come take out a potentially violent 5 year old. They don’t know her to know her good bits.

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