So this morning, I get up to find Dinky had sneaked into the living room to add too much woodchip to the cage, had found the guinea pig’s chocolate drops and had red them probably too much, but worst of all, she had got a knife from the kitchen and scratched the leather sofa and foot stall! It took everything I had at 6am not to scream at her! I told her to go to her room as I was angry that she had ruined my things, scared the guinea pigs, given them too much food and wasted the woodchip. She screamed at me for giving her such a direct demand so early in the day.
After going through the morning battle, getting her to school through the screams of “My legs are tired!” “I have no emergy” “My feet are burning”. I left her with the TA in the line and went into town.
After treating myself to a mac Donald’s breakfast, I went off to the behaviour drop in session.
I asked about Dinky’s biting, spitting, head butting ect. As I thought I need to find out what drives the behaviour and try and find something to replace the behaviour. If I am honest I pretty much knew what she was saying, however, I am going to be emailed a summary. I can then take that to the TAC and show them that I am taking steps to deal with her behaviour, but it is very difficult. I also wanted to run the family link worker’s suggestion of punishing EVERY incident of hitting! The face of the woman doing the session as priceless! She looked like she was readying herself to launch at the Family link worker but held back to me. She said it was a stupid idea and it wouldn’t work. The only outcome would be to cause both of us a huge amount of stress! I am going to do the ABC sheets to work out the triggers for Dinky’s violence. I know the majority of it is her PDA, and sensory issues, but it would be good to get a proper idea of what is going on for her.
I came back and tidied a little before the Family link worker came out.
I have been doing a lot of research on the nurture group and was very upset at the following statements:
Boxall brought into school a different way of looking at the
behaviour that was getting in the way of the child’s progress.
She focused on children’s early development, on their selfconcept,
on the attitudes they had absorbed and brought
with them into school. She understood the difficulties
presented by most of these children as the outcome of
impoverished early nurturing. Lacking an adequate
experience of being cherished and attended to, for whatever
reason, they were not able to make trusting relationships
with adults or to respond appropriately to other children.
They were unready to meet the social and intellectual
demands of school life, and so failed.
Why is the profile so relevant today?
It is widely agreed that children with social, emotional and
behavioural difficulties (SEBD) are the biggest challenge to the
effective running of schools. These are children who do not
respond to teachers’ best efforts, they fail to learn, they can
leave teachers frustrated, quite often resentful and with their
professional confidence undermined. They also spoil the
atmosphere for the rest of the class, consuming the teacher’s
time and energy, diverting it away from children who could use
it so much better.
It was horrible to read. I was outraged! This kind of language absolves the teachers of doing anything to help their students and only suggests blaming the child and their parents for them failing in school.
Dinky is not fulfilling her potential due to her behaviour, her behaviour is the outcome of poor handling and a culture of blame the parent not listen to the parent. It doesn’t call for parental partnership with the school for the benefit of the child. The whole thing is kept secretive and ugly. It is basically internal exclusion.
I phoned parent partnership. The person I spoke to said that this wasn’t the right setting for Dinky.
Then the Family Link Worker turned up.
we did a family star, because I love having my parenting scrutinised over and over again… I didn’t know what to expect after what I had been reading on the boxall profile!
Any way… all of these areas are scored out of 10.
Outcome areas: The Family Star covers eight areas of parenting essential to enabling children to thrive:
- Physical health 10
- Emotional well-being 10
- Keeping your children safe 10
- Social networks 8
- Education and learning 9
- Boundaries and behaviour 9
- Family routine 10
- Home and money 10
This star is going to be my ace card when it comes to the TAC. It also will allow me to challenge the boxall profile and explain her behaviour using the PDA book ‘understanding PDA in children’.
So I was happy.
I was even happier when I showed the page I took the 2 quotes from and the Family link worker said that it is absolutely ridiculous and offensive, she completely stands by the profile she had just done and will say tat in the TAC!
I have also been in conversation with the special needs group leader and she is also going to give the school hell and make sure that Dinky doesn’t miss another school trip!
(Picture just for Dinky’s school!)
Things are FINALLY coming together, it is amazing how much difference a day makes! Yesterday at this time I was crying and hating myself, I was questioning whether I had done this to Dinky, and I felt like I was less than nothing and didn’t deserve her. Today I saw that actually, despite the crap role models I had growing up, that I am a good mum, and that my best is good enough and that there is nothing more that I can be doing except as I am, chopping and changing the incentives of good behaviour and trying the ABC in order to see what Dinky’s triggers are. Maybe having a whole set of them could help with the paediatrician next month!