2 days of bliss. Ok maybe not!
Yesterday after school we had to come straight home, and dinky penning dinky decided she will get home when SHE feels like it. So I had to leave her to lay down on the grass field and wait until she decided to get back up again. Which is fine. However when we got in she saw we had a visitor (it was on her visual timetable), for some reason me telling her 4,5,6,7 times didn’t register properly. So she was asking for ice age and jumping round the living room. The integrated services lady then knocked on the door.
I think she soon saw the difference in Dinky’s behaviour from the last two times she had visited! Dinky was jumping all over the place and almost literally was bouncing off the walls. She interrupted at every opportunity, and when that didn’t work she showed the lady things constantly. When that didn’t work she was being horrible to the guinea pigs and jumping off the back of the sofa, the began doing the Simba/Diego/Shira pounce on the lady. I fave her a warning that she would have to go upstairs to her room to calm down. Then she kept kicking me, 2nd warning. Then I had enough when she kept hitting, spat and went to throw a chair, so I took her up to her room where I had RC car, half a castle, a fair few books, the remote from her remote control car, and various other wooden and plastic toys thrown at me.
(I’m starting to think about joining a dodgeball team, I’d be a pro hahaha!)
Once she had calmed down enough to go from furious to emotional, I brought her back downstairs. It was obvious the lady had been standing at the bottom of the stairs listening to how I handled the situation. She did comment that these are no ordinary tantrums. No, Dinky had gone into meltdown. She had held in everything at school, was over anxious as she was there and then couldn’t stop us having a conversation, which meant she wasn’t in control and then it al got too much, hence the warnings to go to calm down. It wasn’t a punishment.
So we didn’t actually talk very much, she was just as disappointed as I was about the poor quality of the contact book, and again told me I need to go to my GP as I seemed extremely stressed.
Hmm. Well yes, so would anyone if they had to put up with the rubbish I had from that school, had to wait and wait for a medically professional to finally come to the same conclusion they have and have to deal with the fall out from it all at home. I’m not bloody wonder woman! Although in fairness I believe ALL mums of children with SEN have far more superhuman powers than Wonder Woman!
Think of it this way for PDA/ASD mums… Could Wonder Woman function on 4 hours sleep, battle to get them to eat, get dressed, get out of the door, get to school, go into the school and try and explain for the 1,000,000,000,000 time that their child has difficulties, and is not a difficult child, fight for a diagnosis, make tons of phone calls, attend meeting after meeting, battle the school on support needs, the LEA and then deal with the meltdowns without throwing said child out of a window, but try and calm and sooth them while they sink their teeth into her or punch or kick or pull hair, cook dinner EXACTLY how it is supposed to be cooked and served with the right plate and cutlery (which never gets used, or only used inappropriately), tidy up and then when her back is turned finds the place in a much worse state, sit through the SAME film over and over again while working out which emails need to be sent and letters need to be written and to whom, researching the condition more and more, and finding alternative things for the kids to do (which they might not do anyway, but you feel you have to try), fretting over DLA forms or renewals and being in that 50/50 where she feels sad that her kid doesn’t get invited to parties yet secretly hopes they won’t as they will not cope, wash up, do the washing, fight to put the little monkey to bed after the 6th meltdown of the day over teeth brushing, hang said washing out, put the child back to bed for the 5th time, find that they have squirted toothpaste again!, tidy up, and then get up the next day and do it all again? I think not!
Sometimes, I don’t even take stock that that is my life. However, I don’t hate it, I am not keen on muppets and have less tolerance for stupid people, but Dinky needs me to do it, so I do. Bless her, she is lucky I love her too much to put any serious thought into the throwing her out of a window!
So she goes and after 20 minutes my phone rings, it is a school governor!
She asked me to go over why I contacted her. So I went over all the SEN stuff that hasn’t been done properly, the lack of support, the wrong support, the exclusion from activities, the illegal exclusion, the restraint which wasn’t logged and was wrong. Then I told her that I have no faith in the school to look after Dinky properly. If they could lie about something when I bore witness to it, what else haven’t they logged, have they lied about, or haven’t informed me of? And why on earth did it take over 3 months to get a response to my letter?
She said she was sorry that this had been my experience for my daughter and all points will be raised with the governors. I did say that if i felt it wasn’t being taken seriously I would have to take it up with the LEA. She seemed to take note of how angry I am about the whole situation.
Dinky didn’t like me talking about her, or being on the phone, so at points I had to try and keep her calm. Then get her ready and put her to bed.
Today has been a long one. I am absolutely shattered, and after I dropped dinky off at school In a bear onesie for her wild thing party at school, I went to a PDA parent meet up, then made it back just in time to pick dinky up.
She said she liked having a boogie at the party- must be something she heard, I’m 27 and do not use the word boogie! She said she went to her calm down area after which is good. She was a little out of sorts.
on the way back, dinky saw the Halloween decorations in the local shop so we went in. Then she saw a smurf’s Halloween film which was only £5 so I got it for her. When we got in she was spinning and then I put the film on. She sat upside down on the sofa and watched it over and over and over again as it was only 20 minutes long. She ate a little and then went back to watching while I sorted her swimming stuff, then we left. I forgot to take the ear defenders out of her book bag, so she was stressed walking down the dual carriageway. She got dressed ok, and was an absolute pain for the swim teacher. She kept trying to swim off, but she can’t swim yet, despite her brilliant flashes of lone swimming she can only do it for about 10 seconds. When it was time to get out she ran off and got into the other pool and was chased by her swimming teacher. I had to get the wrist reins on her, and lift her up and take her to the showers. I was soaked, she was screaming. Eventually she showered and then went under the bench in the cubicle. She had a mini meltdown, then I got her dressed and she span outside waiting for our taxi.
Looking at her contact book she has had good days, so I guess I am just bearing the brunt of her anxiety at home.
I am absolutely shattered and dreading this group PTSD therapy tomorrow.