SENCO and deputy meeting… Arrgghh

This morning dinky didn’t want to go to school. Queue long breakfast, trousers on the wrong way, ect, all delay tactics.
We walk to school and she explodes because it starts drizzling and I didn’t bring her umbrella.
We get to school and dinky is fine, then all of a sudden… She dives over the counter and starts playing with the lights in the office. After a kiss and a cuddle she goes off with the 1:1.

Then it approaches 2pm and I get ready to leave for the school.

When I get there I am told that the deputy will be joining our meeting. Fine.
We sit down and go over Dinky’s attendance, which is 100%, then onto academic attainment. Dinky is on target with her reading, is behind with her writing and slightly behind in maths. Ok.

Then we go onto the fact that the report says she may have dyspraxia, which could account for her poor handwriting and play a part in her refusal to write. So they are getting a programme that the SENCO researched on the internet. Ok.
So her IEP target is to try and form the letters a, d, and g correctly 3/5 times, by using the programme with her 1:1, by February.

Then onto behaviour… I have to give it to them… The reward thing looks absolutely fantastic, HOWEVER I don’t agree that if she doesn’t follow it she gets sent home…. And that is where the meeting took a complete downward turn!
The deputy wasn’t at the school last term so why she was making comments on things she knows nothing about is beyond me! But let me unravel the web as much as my severely angry brain will allow! (I should start recording them!)

Deputy: well we have to show her it is unacceptable
Me: and I understand that….
Deputy: she is not the first child on one of these
Me: and how many kids do you have with pathological demand avoidance then?
SENCO: well, it is still only a provisional diagnosis, and…
Me: only because he needs CAMHS to confirm, he can’t diagnose PDA by himself.
SENCO: where did you get the referral to CAMHS?
Me: from the CDC
SENCO: How did you get the referal to the CDC?
Me: originally I asked for a referral to CAMHS which was turned down, and later became the start of our CAF, then once I found out about PDA I went back to the GP who agreed after Dinky trashed his office.
SENCO: yes it does help when they see it first hand
Deputy: it is a very accurate report, how she goes fine, fine, fine, BANG. And how it progresses.
(We went over who she was going to be seeing ect and I can’t remember the middle part but we discussed the fact that it may need to change as reward systems do not always hold out much with her) then.
SENCO: is there anything else you would like to discuss?
Me: yes, now that dinky has a provisional diagnosis of PDA, which I told the school about in April, can some of the strategies be used?

This is where it gets very interesting for the outsider… But makes my blood boil as the parent confronted by these absolute moronic muppets!

SENCO: yes but it is only provisional, until we get the full formal diagnosis and more information from CAMHS we can’t strategise around it.
Me: I’m not asking for anything that costs money, just a different way of talking to her, and accepting that this is not Dinky webbing willful or naughty, but that she has a condition outlined by a paediatrician.
SENCO: yes, we don’t see her as naughty
Me: well, that is not the impression I get from the teacher, I get the feeling that she believes Dinky is just wilful and it is my fault.
SENCO: I’m sure that is not how she wants you to feel,but I can understand what you are saying, she only has Dinky’s best interests at heart. Sometimes the way things are written are a bit….
Me: it started before that, day 2 she said she didn’t think Dinky needed now and next, she had her for one day… I asked her to stick it out as it was in her IEP.
Deputy: yes, but the way things are written, the person can not always know how they are written
Me: sure, I admit I haven’t exactly been entirely happy, and what I write reflects that.
SENCO: it also doesn’t help that you want things written in and she doesn’t always have time she has a class of 30.
Me: and a TA
SENCO: let me finish… And she can’t always spend time writing out the day.
Me: I’m not asking her to. One sentence will do, just a bit more information about Dinky’s day. Neither of you were in the TAC, but the reason for the book was that dinky doesn’t always tell me what happens at school and I need a sentence of two to know what to do with her at home. How she is in school directly affects her behaviour at home. If she had an up and down day, I know to not give her too many demands and keep things simple for her. She has days where she just comes home and spins… Kids don’t do that.
Deputy: I see what you are saying. But that isn’t always plausible
Me: what… To write one sentence?
Deputy: the thing is we have to all sing from the same hymn sheet and when the home school relationship is strained or bridges need repairing it doesn’t help.
Me: ok but you weren’t here last term, the whole school got off on the wrong foot. 4 weeks to get a coat peg, I had to go to the deputy. I was given an ultimatum ‘you go on the trip or Dinky doesn’t’ it wasn’t very welcoming. Then the head says attachment disorder the first time I talk to her. There was me thinking WOAH you don’t know me or Dinky! Then in the TAC, the teacher says now and next is too time consuming, and I’m not the only one who took offence to that, the other professionals couldn’t believe it. When the book was brought up the teacher had her head in her hands. From a teacher that wants the best for dinky?
Deputy: sure, I understand, but we need to work together for dinky and like yesterday when she was sent home, your response of “I’m not picking her up unless she was formally excluded” doesn’t help.
Me: again, you weren’t here last term, she was sent home and it was informal which is illegal, I’m not taking her home informally, as that means the school gets to act Illegally. So yes, I wouldn’t come and get her if she wasn’t going to be formally excluded.
Deputy: oh

(Yes oh!)

SENCO: well, we will discuss strategies when she gets a formal diagnosis, and if you could let me know when you have read the behaviour plan.
Me: fine.
Deputy: oh dinky should be out now.

Sure enough dinky is out with her teacher.
So dinky then runs off because I am not where she thinks I will be.

Calmed and outside, I ask dinky why she is all wet. She apparently escaped the class and watered the flowers. She also told me she had wet herself. Sure enough she had wet patches on the crotch of her trousers. So she wet herself and couldn’t tell her teachers… That is how well they are looking after her!

We got home and dinky wanted a film and spinning time. So I have written here.
It wasn’t until I started writing that I realised she doesn’t have a formal diagnosis of dyspraxia either, yet it is now on her IEP and the school are forking out for a writing programme for her! Are they having a laugh?

So annoyed! I am going to have to go see the head… Broken bridges… They broke them themselves the muppets!

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6 thoughts on “SENCO and deputy meeting… Arrgghh

  1. OMG how you have not exploded I do not know. The term ‘Muppets’ seems far too polite for these arrogant individuals. They have refused to believe you and now they are not accepting a work in progress diagnosis until it is official, unbelievable!! A reward system will make her worse which may strengthen your argument with them but at what cost to Dinky. You already know my thoughts DM, I would homeschool in the interim of the completion of the statement and diagnosis due to the ongoing damage that the current school is having on Dinky. The education department are legally obliged to still provide an education for Dinky, home ed is a choice by parents that can be reversed and responsibility passed back to the education authority. When Moll had her first stint at home it was while we waited for a suitable placement to be found because her current one was not deemed suitable by me. It wasn’t a case of home ed but simply that she cannot mentally cope at her current placement and so she will remain at home with me while you do sort our a suitable one. Its perhaps worth investigating, you could both do without the added stress that this school is piling on you and it looks like they are determined to pile on even more. xxxx

    • I don’t know how I haven’t exploded either.

      Still they blame me… They can’t see the wood through the trees!

      I have been thinking about it, but was told pulling her out would stop the statement process as that would mean taking her off roll. If I take her out but leave her on the roll then I risk £60 per week fine. The school won’t back me taking her out medically. I’m in a corner. Legally she has to be in school or home ed…I can’t home ed. Just having her home all time would ruin our relationship right now… I’m too fragile at the moment to deal with the constant abuse from her.

      • I learnt about flexi schooling this week from the Senco. Dillon is meant to be at school all day Wednesday but last just 20 mins last week so tomorrow he is just going up until playtime. It’s all about choosing lessons they can cope with. I phoned the Head and said that’s what the Senco had suggested and was it ok and he was quite happy. We need to keep a finger in school so that we can get this statutory assessment going. If u leave school and have no school it will be more difficult. That’s why we are so far behind in the process, because he had no school for 8 months and therefore no one to start the paper work. Keep the faith, you’re doing all the right things and eventually it will pay off!!!!!

      • I totally understand about being too fragile to cope with her at home. I’ll put my thinking cap on and see what I can come up with. Alternatively is it worth a fresh start at a different school. A lot of water has gone under the bridge at this one and the school seem determined to dig their heels in and bury their heads in the sand rather than have the good grace to apologize and admit that they have been wrong all along. They are fighting to save their egos regardless of the implications for dinky. I am so angry for both of you. xxxx

      • Thanks Jane. I have thought about it, but the only other school in the area with space is just as bad according to other mums with kids with ASD.
        Thank you for always being a voice of reason xx

  2. thanks tracey.
    Flexischooling sounds interesting. If I was to take away the lessons she couldn’t cope with, we would be left with playtime! lol
    I do not know what my next step is with school. The tac isn’t Monday it is the Monday after, but the school just lie through their back teeth and nothing happens. So I don’t see it being that helpful either…

    This is so deflating after yesterday’s surprise of a provisional diagnosis.

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