And still the nonsense continues…

I think I have reached a point of no return… If the school carry on the way they are going, I will have to pull Dinky out. Everyday I see Dinky struggle more, and I have to resist my violent urges and am constantly angry and in utter disbelief.

We have a TAC Monday and I am frustrated with almost all of the professionals in attendance.

This week the contact book has been really poorly filled out.

We have had no timetable in, there is nothing for Monday. However Dinky was in nurture following her near fixed term exclusion.
Tuesday there is a report from the deputy about Dinky locking 2 girls in the toilets because they didn’t like her and she wanted to invite them to a party so they would be her friend, and she spent the rest of the day in nurture. When I went to collect her she ran off and was fiddling with the photocopier, then refused to leave the office, then ran off the other way, and I had to grab her coat and go. Then she wouldn’t leave the playground, then stopped at the shops and wouldn’t move.

Wednesday she was in nurture, then in her classroom where senior leadership team were called as she was throwing chairs and pushed the class TA. The remarks from nurture group were so super cheery. Apparently Dinky had done everything asked of her and played nicely with another child.

I asked in the book why dinky was spending more time in nurture when she has a provisional diagnosis of PDA, which is an autism spectrum disorder, and the nurture group, Nurture groups offer a short term, focussed, intervention strategy, which addresses barriers to learning arising from social / emotional and or behavioural difficulties, in an inclusive, supportive manner. Children continue to remain part of their own class group and usually return full time within 4 terms. Central to the philosophy is attachment theory; an area of psychology which explains the need for any person to be able to form secure and happy relationships with others in the formative years of their lives and our ongoing knowledge of neuroscience.

This is not Dinky.

Thursday… I find out Dinky has spent the WHOLE day in nurture group. Again apparently dinky had followed intructions and completed work.. which is great and all, but my dad found her really difficult at the magic carpet and then she was all over the place at home before bed.

So I wrote, in big letters, WHY IS DINKY IN NURTURE?

Friday… today.. after I had to get dinky down from the top of the coat pegs in the changing rooms, and then put her shoes on for her because she was so distressed (yet no one told me WHY she happened to not have her shoes on!), and then had to coax her out of school, there was a written report from the muppet (who is really really really starting to get on my last nerve!).

She says that dinky has been in nurture full time for 2 days so that she can learn more effectively, and at the moment it is on a trial basis so that she can see the impact of a different environment on her learning. Her behaviour has changed dramatically as well. this information will inform what she says on Monday at the tac and at the PPM/appeal/tribunal if I go down that route. (which I will because if dinky has to stay in that school for anything longer than the rest of the school year I will be pulling her out regardless! I am really starting to think the teachers and the senior leadership team are doing everything they can to disprove PDA…. even though ironically it is their evidence from the senco and the end of year school report that back up my concerns!) She said that Dinky was not coping in the classroom, and was not learning sufficiently in there, and was also disrupting the learning of others. Apparently the change in attitude, behaviour, and stress has been remarkable when she is in nurture. This (apparently) is partly because they are more able to respond to Dinky’s needs in a small group situation.

Which, sort of makes sense. Dinky has been holding it in and gets to play a lot in nurture, I don’t think they have seen the real Dinky not after Tuesday and today… and the fact that when she left nurture on Wednesday she was throwing chairs and pushed a TA. But I agree dinky would be much better in small groups which is one of the many reasons I liked the special school.

Then… then I got really annoyed, now dinky has been in nurture for 2 full days and 3 half days this week… this is what they put..

Dinky has had a great day in nurture. She has followed instructions, worked well, and played well with others. Well done Dinky.

wait for it… this is the best bit…

Dinky’s social skills are improving.

Actually such rubbish! As much as I would LOVE for this to be true and then at this rate I would have a typical child just in time for Christmas… this is utter bull! She has obviously been mimicking and roleplaying her way through nurture group. It also explains why she had no shoes on, and had refused putting them back on, and when I arrived was like a wild animal who had escaped her cage and had found a way of climbing on the top of the coat pegs!

When we got home dinky was spinning and watching the same things over and over and over and over on the tv .

I haven’t heard from anyone else who is coming to the TAC.

To be honest at one point I was going to cancel it because I have had enough of being in a room full of people who do not really know Dinky telling me that they cant/wont do anything for her.


So this weekend will probably be quiet on here as I prepare for battle in the TAC… but if anything noteworthy happens over the weekend it will be on the Dinky and me facebook page.


So for now… I am off to bang my head on a brick wall, or try and tie some more ropes around my sanity to sop it escaping completely!



3 thoughts on “And still the nonsense continues…

  1. I think that ‘banging your head against a brick wall’ just about sums things up in a nutshell DM. The school do seem determined to prove you wrong because if they actually agree with you they will have do admit failure on their part. Nurture may be the best place for Dinky simply because it will be less anxiety provoking than the main classroom. However I fully understand your frustration at the reasons behind and the ethos of nurture i.e. that Dinky has some sort of attachment issue. Of course Dinky and the staff will now be enjoying a honeymoon period in nurture while you absorb all of the backlash at the end of the day. The initial ‘miracle’ will soon disappear and then they will have the real Dinky to deal with, the one who could no longer tolerate the classroom will soon be unable to tolerate nurture unless pda strategies are used. Hopefully this will come sooner rather than later so that when she is not copeable with in Nurture they will HAVE to try another approach. Unfortunately I fear that they will have to run out of all options before they are willing to accept and use pda strategies and even then I am doubtful. Hold on in there and push for that statement which when it is received, and you will get it eventually, will give you more freedom re school choices. I wish that I could be more help 😦 xx

    • Thanks Jane.
      If nurture was used for all sen, it wouldn’t be too bad. It is the connotation behind it. If she is in nurture then the SEN department will say that as the school believe she has SEBD, then she is in the right setting. I can fight that with the provisional diagnosis, but the other problem is all the parents at the school know that nurture is where they send the kids who come from crappy homes. They won’t bother to talk to me (not that they do anyway), so we will stay as isolated as we are, especially with the muppet handing out newsletters saying that there are only a handful of students learning how to behave at the school… Instantly everyone says nurture.

      So if dinky is in meltdown at the shops, there won’t ever be any understanding it will be “oh that kid is in nurture”.

      I’m not having her ‘labelled’ by ignorant people.

      So I will get her out of nurture for her sake.

      If I have to pull her out of school in the meantime, I will x

      • Yes I totally understand your frustration. The school have labelled nurture group as the place where the kids with crap parents go. This in itself is wrong but even worse when your kid is in there as a result of ASD but gets labelled as just naughty due to parenting by default. Its a pity that schools can’t just rename such groups and SEN groups isn’t it. Although without the use of pda strategies I would imagine that Dinky would still become anxious and therefore difficult in any setting, even a small one. I was lucky with education, I don’t envy you matey. You are one tough and very strong lady xxx

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