Dinky is struggling and I have no answers

Back to school for dinky, new routine, later start, early finish, 2 different TA’s in 3 days – meltdown upon meltdown here, she was so anxious about going to school today she wet herself in a stress and urinated in the bath.

So what do the school do?

Yes, change the room that she has her 1:1 in and change the cover person for her TA on the Tuesday as her TA is at college.
The room change is tomorrow. This is how the conversation went…

Me: hey Dinky, guess what?
Dinky: what?
Me: no more staff room from tomorrow!
Dinky: back to nurture?
Me: nope, into the Buzz room!
Dinky: where is that

(I start panicking as I have no idea where the hell the Buzz room is)

Me: what? You don’t know? Is it buzz as in “to infinity and beyond”? Or bzzzz like a bee?

(I tickle her whilst she giggles!)

Dinky: buzz Lightyear!

She runs up the stairs and grabs 4 of her buzz toys, and puts them in her bag for the buzz room.

If this lasted it would have been good. However dinky has been down to see me 8 times since going up. Every time it is about not wanting to go to school.
We have had

– I can’t go to school, they don’t even teach me

nice Dinky, true, but you are still going!

– It’s closed tomorrow

it is open, I know it is

– the guinea pigs miss me

no, it’s the only time apart from when you are sleeping that the poor things actually get some peace!

– I don’t want to leave you

nice try 30 minutes ago I was mean and trying to ruin fun

– I’m not going!

And so it continued. The last time she came down she didn’t say anything and just threw her plastic 2 foot simba at my head (which hurt… A lot!)

In terms of how things are going elsewhere.

Well, the letter the muppet sent to the MP was full of half truths and her own twisted opinion. So I replied to it.

The integrated services lady has palmed me off to the social worker as she has had enough of me pushing her to at least partially do her job. So the social worker is my contact. I have no idea what the hell the social worker is doing. Apparently she is doing an assessment of Dinky and family (Which means me).

This family thing is separate from the troubled families initiative, and apparently is a way to actually getting some practical support.

I feel everything is on hold while the pen pushers do their thing. It is really annoying.

I’m guessing tomorrow will be a day of hell with the room change. I’ve not slept properly as Dinky has been coming into me at 1-2am.

I don’t even know if this post makes sense as I am so tired.

Another day in the life of Dinky and me!

I should not have read that thread!

Those parents of children with special needs will attest to the dark world of facebook and parents of typical children’s posts. Most are just a reminder of the things our children can’t or will never do, all those little things our children get excluded from, but that is not their fault, it is nice that they can share these wonderful moments about their children.

Then there are those moments, like today when you just know full well that you should NEVER read the 29 comments before yours on a photo that says

I send my daughter to school only for this to happen to her face not a happy bunny

The picture showed a girl who used to be in Dinky’s class until she moved to a better school, with two long scratches on her face, they don’t look deep, but I did feel for the child. I have in the past received a text from the same mum regarding an incident with Dinky, where Dinky was unable to take her turn and punched the girl in the stomach. I discussed it with her and apologised for the incident, I had told her previously that Dinky struggled socially and with things like waiting and sharing, and it wasn’t brattish behaviour, but Dinky was being assessed for autism. Which she seemed ok about. The replies.. well, I did read them. I shouldn’t have because they made me so cross!

  • Did they tell u how it happened ?
  •  (the mum) Yep a girl in her class went on the rampage scratching and hitting others (has SEN)x
  •  Omg tell them her aunty is coming not happy !
  • (the mum) They just told her off I would have sent her to the head x
  • Who’s been bitch scratching my lil chicken 😦 x
  • Well I am sure if [child] turned round and did it back she would get told of not one rule for one and one for the other my poor niece horrible child
  •  That’s not on
  • (the mum) Girl in her class  x
  • (the mum) I don’t condone fighting but told her to stick up for her self , she said no mummy I did one better I told my teacher x
  • Ill bitch scratch the mother (fucker ) hahahahaha
  •  She’s just to cute 🙂 xx
  •  dont condone violence yeah cos we were little angles lmao x
    • (the mum) Hahah one scratch and the mother of the child would fall over lol x
    • (the mum) Yes we are angelic and model citizens
    • Maybe now lol x
    • (the mum) Lol indeed I am x
    • Let’s go 🙂 haha 🙂 best make sure her face is clean 🙂 u don’t no what u can catch now a days 😉 bet it was a fucking forneigher child to ! Xxxx
    • (the mum) No it wasn’t  xb
    • Phahahaha all the laughing ur making me do is giving me a headache xx
    • (the mum)  I can’t go to scratch someone and stop mid scratch and say sorry love can you just wipe your face lol x
    • (the mum) You give me a headache every day x no it’s not on I’m disgusted x
    •  Still she’s my chicken I’m not a happy bunny ill come c u on Friday if ur free ? Xxx
    • (the mum) Yeah I’m free Friday Hun x
  •  I bet u r I would be too but teachers and school never seem to punish kids ‘like that’ ,I remember my boy getting stabbed under his eye with a paint brush by some ‘special kid’ I was livid and wanted it sorted they assured me it would be turns out they just sent him to some quiet room which he enjoyed then he gave my boy a half hearted sorry cos he was made to but I’d bet anything if my boy had done it he would’ve been suspended grrr , rant over
  •  I had this when my oldest was punched and scratched the school let the boy of cos he had problems tell me if he was older and hit a policeman would it b ok cos he has problem
  •  probs behavioural aka bad parents
  • (the mum) It’s Absolutley disgusting all kids should be treated the same race religion or disability shouldn’t be one rule for one child and 20 for others
  •  Exactly I’ve always said that  they should treat kids any different regardless if they have probs or not ,its no wonder they all grow up disfunctional .
  •  Ment shouldn’t treat kids any different grr lol x
  •  [ME] Poor girl! I really hope those marks heal soon, she did the right thing by going to the teacher… You must be proud of her 🙂  xxI will say though, I have a girl who is a ‘special kid’ and goes on rampages, not because she has behavioural problems, but because the school do not know how to look after her. I have felt awful when another child, or adult has been hurt. Yes Dinky gets excluded, but she doesn’t actually understand that it is a punishment, to her it is great- no school. Not all kids can be treated the same, it might sound unfair, but you wouldn’t ask a kid in a wheelchair to climb up 3 flights of stairs because the other 29 children have to. Just because you can’t see a disability doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

  • Who Dunn it I’ll go sort em out , give em a slap and a scratch . That’s nasty some kids can be right horrible little shits. Hope she ok x
 Like · 2
I refuse to read the comments after this one
 if a child has done something wrong excluding them is not going to do anything they see it as fun because they get to stay at home and play wih there toys .
Just didn’t have the energy to correct her by saying that Dinky doesn’t get to play with toys when she is excluded.
I don’t see why they would talk about going after the child’s parents. Like that will help.. at all!
It is this sort of persecution that makes me glad I do not have to go into the playground anymore and face those stares from parents who know Dinky was in nurture, because they just do not know any different. Or the whispers between parents about me being the mum of the girl climbing on the gates when she should be in class.
It is funny how not 1 of them mentioned that the school should have had a better grip of the situation and evacuated the other children to safety, no they were all up for violence. It is sad that this is the society that we live in (and people wonder why I don’t socialise!).
I honestly can not wait for Dinky to go to a special school, then people’s reactions to their difficulties becomes one of understanding and (as much as I detest it) sympathy, rather than being made out to be a monster or hear ‘behavioural aka bad parents’.
It is horrible to see how ignorant people can still be in the 21st century-  I should not have read that thread!

Half term

As with most things with Dinky, this half term has been- different. Not a bad different, and not particularly a good different, just different, Dinky style.

It is weird as I have been trying to get some more respite, and this weekend we have 2 people in 2 days, so I am writing this as Dinky is upstairs playing with a lovely young lady.

Thursday I took Dinky to go see the lad with PDA that I have talked about a few times on here. We went for lunch, which was different. Dinky was her usual self, a little hyper, making animal noises and was anxious. This was the Lad’s favourite restaurant so he was happy. After lunch we went to the sealife centre. On the way there they had gone through Dinky’s backpack, which has sensory fiddle toys and her ear defenders in. Dinky didn’t want the lad to touch them so she hit him. Which is hard to deal with when you are in a car. I don’t drive, so this was a new thing for me. They were throwing things at each other and then started name calling, it was hard not to laugh at the names. All of a sudden Dinky said “I know- lets be against adults”, she called me a name and all of a sudden they were best friends again. We went down to the sealife centre and we had to queue up to get in.

Have I mentioned how much Dinky hates queuing?!?

I was kicked, punched and spat at. The other people in the queue were staring at her and me, while she screamed “DONT LIKE QUEUING!”. It is hard. It is hard not to want to explain that she cant help it, that she doesn’t understand why we wait in lines, that she cant cope with standing still when she is full of excitement,, anticipation and anxiety.

When we went in she was happy to run from side to side. I don’t think the Lad knew what to do as he seemed to want to look at each window and Dinky saw something that caught her eye and went for it. I let her hold the wrist reins as it wasn’t busy, but equally she wanted to be like the Lad and he didn’t need them. I get on edge when Dinky is that on edge.

They seemed to enjoy it. Although it is generally a short trip round the aquarium.

We then went up to the Lego shop. Wow! It was a Lego wonderland! Dinky didn’t know what to do with herself! I swapped some of her birthday presents and Dinky got a gift card to choose what she wanted to get. I was unprepared for the upset of the Lad who couldn’t understand why Dinky was allowed a new Lego set and he wasn’t. His mum tried to explain that Dinky was swapping them, I also tried to explain that dinky was swapping 2 sets for 1 set. He wasn’t having any of it bless him! He was so upset. I tried to get Dinky to choose one so we could leave as it was really upsetting him. The set she wanted they didn’t have. I told her we could get one delivered, but she wanted a set to take home because I had told her we are going to get a set from the Lego shop. So she was deciding while the Lad was pleading for a set of his own. She picked a set and they both picked a keyring. The man behind the counter gave them both a sticker and we left. The lad went into meltdown as we left the shop and was hitting his mum. I really felt for them, it had been Dinky and me a little while back.

On the way home Dinky was actually really good, a few moments of anxious misbehaviour, but was happy.

Friday we had a visit from the lovely H (no not the bloke from steps), she came to meet Dinky before coming out today, dinky was her usual controlling self. She was stopping us from talking, doing things she KNEW she shouldn’t be doing, annoying the guinea pigs ect. Dinky showed her some of her things and said she liked her. As she left Dinky gave her a hug, which is really good.

Yesterday Dinky went out with the sessional worker from social services. The lady said Dinky was really good but had to be brought crisps in order to leave, so she asked me If that was ok. She asked what Dinky would like to do next time. Which is NOT a good idea. Dinky said the tree top adventure- which is rather pricey- she shouldn’t have asked Dinky, then she made another silly mistake, she said she would ask if she could get money for it. Now Dinky thinks that she can go because she thinks banks just lend you the money, as the adverts do not say about paying it back, that is the small print along the bottom. Apparently Dinky thinks I give extra so should get extra! (I LOVE HER!!!), so now I have to prepare her for not going there. I will have to phone her in the week and explain that we should discuss it away from Dinky in future.

When she left I asked Dinky if she had a good time. She said “yes, I got crispies. I was hungry, I wouldn’t leave until I got crisps. I got crisps.” I think it was Dinky-1 Social services lady-0.  Could possibly be 2-0 if Dinky gets to go to the treetop adventure.

Yesterday afternoon I felt so much better for the break, we had so much tickle time, lego building, cheering on the skiers in the winter Olympics, dancing to Everything is awesome, and more. Normally I would have been about ready to pass out by Saturday afternoon of the holidays.

Dinky knows school is back on Monday and was in my bed last night.

Today, well, H has been here for nearly 2 hours and Dinky has been a little hyper! Actually more than a little hyper! She has been using every learnt social nicety she can think of to get H to like her. She has been huggy, sharing everything and showing H all of her things.

She has been down a few times to jump on me. We shall see how it goes, but it seems to be going ok.

 

The last few days

Thank you for the birthday wishes for Dinky x

Dinky’s birthday went well. She had a good time at the cinema, although we didn’t end up going to the special needs clubhouse as I don’t think she would have coped. Dinky did spend the rest of the time we were at home controlling my dad. It was interesting to watch as she normally drags him upstairs. She does exactly the same thing she does with me. She instructs him on what he can do, then stops him, makes him watch, then gives him a role, if he goes out of her ideals, she stops him again.

She went to the cinema again with her special needs group yesterday. She had a meltdown in the toilets. Which, and this is going to sound awful, is actually good for them to see. She had the new volunteer, and probably refused to wear her ear defenders.
She was then very good afterwards. We went shopping and she sat in the disabled child’s trolley with her iPad. We found lego movie pyjamas, a ninjago t shirt and an Emmet t shirt. She was happy.

Today we have built a few lego set with ‘everything is awesome’ playing in the background, watched lego ninjago and lego batman. I have also had to explain that films come out in cinemas first then come out on disk when it stops playing in the cinema. Her response…. “Can we go to the cinema?”

I have not been too great. I think the school, waiting for a statement decision, social services involvement, the TAC, the letter from the muppet, the project the integrated services lady wanted me to go on, Dinky’s birthday, and contact from my aunt and cousin have really taken their toll on me recently. I am really struggling to be happy for Dinky when she is awake and try to find the best way to move forward when she is asleep and organise the rest of half term and the prospect of her new 3 hour days at school.

I have written a letter back to the mp which is a direct response to the letter The Muppet sent, but I am not sure that I will send it. However I don’t want to let her get away with it. She has been so unprofessional and such a Muppet, that she needs to be held accountable for her actions or lack thereof.

I annoyed the integrated services lady with my email telling her that if she feels my parenting skills are lacking she should contact our social worker.

I shall blog again when I am in a better head space.