The day didn’t exactly start on a good note.
Dinky was refusing to walk to school, was crying, and screaming. I managed to talk her round after she stopped screaming, I had put her new animal record breakers book in her bag to share with her new 1:1. Plus I snuck simba in too!
I got to the school and was pleased to see the head of nuture, she seemed ok, although was shuffling a little. She came and spoke to me after her 1:1 came to get her. Dinky had done her a card which I popped into the school yesterday. She said that I shouldn’t apologise, Dinky had an off moment and she was feeling much better.
We went into the head’s office we had:
Me, SNL (SN leader), SW (social worker), MHK (my mental health keyworker), DH (deputy head), STA (specialist TA), SCOM (social communication team), LP (lead professional from integrated services) and PP ( parent partnership)
The Muppet sent her apologies for not being able to attend, some other muppet thought it would be a good idea to put her into a school which has an Ofsted inspection!
I can not remember the exact conversation but remember quotes or close enough and the general order.
So we got started on the actions from last TAC.
1) school to set up meeting with SaLT, school and me- FAIL
2) PPM- held- win!
3) Ed Psych-Done
4) reintegration into mainstream- at this point I laughed quite loudly, as did the SNL, the LP, and the DH said, we shall skip that one shall we? I said the whole idea was overly optimistic!
SOCOM: Have you looked at an alternative placement.
Me: yes, I went to see x and y schools and both said they could meet her needs both the PDA and the educational needs. z school said they couldn’t see it being the best place as they are all trained in specific typical autism strategies, and those do not always work with children with PDA.
SOCOM: I agree, X school would be good, there are children there who are more academically able but Dinky is unable to access the curriculum due to her PDA, in mainstream she will always fall behind.
Me: Just the thought of her walking into a year 2 classroom fills me with dread! She cant cope in a small nurture group- which is only temporary, there is no way she would cope in a class of 30.
SOCOM: I agree.
(which is brilliant as she sits on the panel for statements in our county!)
5) FLW- finished
6) “self sooth” techniques to be taught- yeah ok! Didn’t happen
7) Advice for behaviour from local autism behaviour person- nothing new.
8) New lead- apparently that is complicated.
It started off with the LP asking the SW what her role was.
SW: I got a referral from school regarding sexualised behaviour, I am now carrying out a children and family assessment, which takes 45 days. I came to the TAC to get a better picture of the support in place and PDA.
LP: So not involved for behaviour
LP: the school also reported that Dinky has refused to come home, and that you said something to Dinky which was overheard by school.
Me: Ok, I hold my up, I am not a perfect parent, it is impossible. Yes I told dinky on a day where I was stressed to the hilt that if she wanted to stay at school, then she could stay and social services would come get her. I hated myself as soon as I said it and she is 5 and has no idea who social services are. I had just had enough that day.
Everyone said they understood.
SOCOM: it can be very stressful as a parent.
LP asked SNL about her latest involvement. SNL said that Dinky had been to a couple of trips before Christmas, but none since then as the football match was cancelled. I have been supporting Dinky’s mum.
SW: how have you supported DM?
SNL: I am at the end of the phone. When Dinky gets excluded, I phone DM and ask her what happened and talk to her.
LP then asked MHK about her involvement.
MHK: working with Dinky’s mum, regarding her mental health. However this is difficult as DM only has Dinky on her mind. With all the exclusions, DM hasn’t managed to make any of the younger adults group activities. We have stretched the sessions out as DM has been let down, badly, by services in her past. The past that led to the PTSD. Once we have Dinky settled, we can work on helping DM.
I told them about the latest Paediatrician report, and that OT was helpful.
DH was talking about the latest exclusion and how it was the worst they had seen Dinky. She also said that they wanted to put her on a part time timetable. Starting (surprise surprise…) today.
Me: dinky has been going downhill for a while, I did tell the head in July that this would happen. I have been banging on the door for months and no one listened until it got this far. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt, I felt awful, as did Dinky.
DH: I know and you have been co- operative with this exclusion.
Me: yes but the reason things have been so difficult is that there have been loads of changes and no one thought to discuss them with Dinky, or me so that I could prepare her.
DH: we have discussed this and I do think you have a valid point, however, we had to be reactive as some of those changes had to be made, and we will be communicating better now, and I shall be taking point.
SNL: I am glad that the school are finally admitting there is a problem.
DH: I don’t know what you mean
SNL: In one TAC meeting the school said that there were no problems.
DH: Who said that?
SNL: The head. In November. I don’t want to bash her as she is not here.
DH: Well, that is not quite how we see it, and it sounds like that is what you are doing though.
SNL: Well, it is the truth! (I love SNL in meetings!)
The prospect of a junior PRU came up. The SOCOM said that it probably wouldn’t be suitable as it is the same as a nurture group.
SW: we have talked about Dinky, but what do YOU need, not Dinky YOU.
Me: I haven’t thought about it, I just need Dinky to be settled. We have a long day and longer with part time timetable. I guess the thing that will help me would be having time where Dinky is somewhere and I wont get a phone call, where I can relax for a little while.
The LP said that they were going to involve a family initiative fun by the county council. She didn’t explain what it was but said they might be able to help.
The meeting finished and most of them left, leaving me, Socom, STA, DH, and PP. For a meeting regarding the exclusions.
Dinky will finish school at 1.15pm, this will be on 2 weekly reviews.
SOCOM said she doesn’t see why Dinky wouldn’t get a statement. She cant say yes, definitely, but it would surprise her if she didn’t get one.
STA photocopied the advice forms from the OT, and are going to put it into place.
So that is ok.
I had lunch then went to get Dinky. She was actually waiting for me. (which made me chuckle, as she was waiting to come home and was ready to go!)
I will write about the rest of my day tomorrow… it includes a copy of the letter the Muppet sent the MP, and what the family initiative REALLY is.