You lost your knife? Oh there it is, in my back, again!

Yesterday I commented on the lead professional saying I blow hot and cold.

Well, today is the perfect example of the type of thing that makes me completely freeze out muppets.

Today I received our closed case assessment paperwork.

Unusually it is not actually the social worker, she has actually been pretty good, and tried to understand what is going on. I’m pleasantly surprised as my preset is distrust of social services given my previous involvement with them as a child.
Now I do not see them as the ‘bad guys’.

Those who follow this blog will know that the school have been difficult from day 1. The Muppet (HT) had never met dinky, nor me and made a judgement of attachment disorder. In the TAC meeting, the following month, she said she will fix dinky by the following school year… Well, that prediction was off… By a country mile! She has scoffed at the notion of PDA, even when Dinky was given a provisional diagnosis of PDA, she still wouldn’t accept it, and nor would the SENCO. Battle after battle with the school.
Then they called social services about over sexualised behaviour, I was sceptical but accepting that if that is what they thought, that it was an obligation to contact SS. What I wasn’t so happy with is them mentioning Dinky’s behaviour and refusal to comply and refusal to come home some afternoons after school, WITHOUT mentioning the provisional diagnosis of PDA!
So I refused to talk to The muppet again.

The lead professional at first was completely on our side, said she could definitely see PDA fitted Dinky, however she has been increasingly rubbish.
Her boss turned up at the TAC after the provisional diagnosis and said “why should the school do anything, it is only provisional?”
So much for needs based!

So we come to the social workers assessment.

On talking to integrated services it was said

there are concerns about mums ability to parent and she has asked for respite….. There was also the issue that mum has been heard to possibly slap Dinky so they feel this should be considered for assessment

From the school

school have commented of mothers behaviour being ‘very strange’… Requesting respite suggests she is struggling with her but wishes to present as capable of caring for her despite the schools worries

The social worker saw right through this rubbish, and said

I am pleased that you have been open and honest with me and I can see how focused and passionate you are about dinky and her needs, I like the fact that you fight for what you think is right for Dinky.
I am worried about Dinky’s behaviour (in regard to the over sexualised behaviour)…
I also appreciate how hard it has been for you to contemplate the fact that she may have been sexually abused, appreciate your openness and honesty about this.

Regarding education, I understand what your frustrations regarding the school and the staff at the school, however I’m worried that since you have taken Dinky out of school, dinky will be isolated from her friends and this maybe upsetting and confusing for her.

There is a judgement scale
0= immediate action is required to ensure the safety and the protection of the children
10= the child/ren are safe enough and the ongoing involvement of a social worker is not required at this time.
She scored an 8


there are many complex issues that have been identified from this assessment. Firstly it is a working hypothesis that Dinky demonstrated the sexualised behaviour as a result of being sexually abused as a younger child. From consultation with x (therapist), it is possible that this could now be emerging from through her behaviour….. (Stuff about when she has been unsupervised, and actions taken). Despite this hypothesis, there is no evidence that dinky has been harmed in any way and I do believe Dinky’s mum would act protectively and appropriately if this were/ had been the case.

With regards to Dinky’s PDA, it is clear that her behaviour has escalated, which has led to being excluded from school for 5 days. Dinky’s mum has become frustrated with the lack of progress and the difficulties that she had had conversing with the school and has now taken dinky out of the school. Although Dinky’s mum reports that dinky has been calmer since this occurred, dinky is now isolated from her fellow classmates and has limited social interaction. However this remains largely an educational issue.

There have been many strengths identified during the assessment although it is clear that there are complicating factors such as the families isolation, lack of support network, and the stress that caring for a child with Dinky’s needs brings.

I almost choked when I read the managers comments!

this is a good and thorough assessment that clearly identifies the strengths, difficulties and complicating factors in this small family unit. Dinky is a complex young child who has a number of needs with numerous professionals involved to try and address these.
I commend mum for her determination and focus on her daughter but am worried now that she has withdrawn Dinky from school as I am not sure this is in her best interests and will be extremely tiring for mum. I understand dinky is being assessed for SEN and it maybe that a ‘special’ school is recommended as a result but in the meantime I would like to see the relationship between mum and school rebuilt. (hahahahahaha)
Whilst dinky displayed what is perceived as sexualised behaviour she also displays other unusual behaviours too such as licking door handles; it is difficult to say if she has been abused sexually but it is understood that any opportunities would be extremely unlikely due to the families isolation.
On balance I do not think there is a clearly identified social work role at this time…( blah blah about getting professionals together to recommence CAF)… To make clear this departments rationale. In particular the issue of education and the families isolation should be addressed as well as Dinky’s health needs. I wonder if short breaks scheme would be of value to the family.

When hell freezes over regarding the school!

We are already on waiting lists for the short breaks scheme they were talking about.

I am beyond furious about the ‘slap’ comment. As someone pointed out to me, it is not actually illegal to slap your children, however, I did nothing of the sort!
How am I expected to work with muppets who have no idea about my parenting styles and what I would and wouldn’t do? How am I supposed to work with them when they go behind my back and say this crap?
How can I work with them when they think asking for respite is actually a sign of diminished parental ability?

While the social worker seems to get it (mostly) the rest do not.

Dinky didn’t have friends at school, she has not mentioned them once, so the lack of school is not an issue socially and I have been educating at home, which is not illegal either, but this is in no way wrong! Dinky has spoken to zoo staff about the animals she likes, she has touched sea creatures and watched tigers, lions, monkeys and penguins being fed. Tell me how many other 6 year olds at the school have done that! (Dinky’s school is in a ‘deprived’ area- has a bad reputation- and for good reason, so I doubt very many have).

I have also taken dinky to the local parks, and her SN group, plus the SN Saturday club that runs fortnightly at our local adventure park. No one bothered to ask me what I was doing, just thought that I wouldn’t take her out. I have proven time and time again that I will go way out of my comfort zone for dinky, yet they don’t think I would try to meet her needs?

I’m not surprised at the school, but I’m annoyed at the lead professional, she was only here yesterday and is proving to be extremely two faced.

In any case, it has AGAIN been proven that I don’t hurt dinky and I do my best for her, and that her behaviour is not down to poor parenting.

Just wish I could feel like I am not going to be stabbed in the back again after the next meeting.

I don’t trust them anymore.


2 thoughts on “You lost your knife? Oh there it is, in my back, again!

  1. I’m so sorry to hear that you have had to endure reading such an unfair and blatantly untrue account of your life with Dinky. I had the same issues when I took Moll out of school re socialising and so on. What these professionals need to realise is that what is healthy for a neurotypical kid can be damn right harmful and extremely negative for our children. I believe that school and too much social exposure was the catalyst for Mollie becoming agoraphobic. The very thing that should have been positive for her actually had the opposite effect. Following 12 months with no school and no social contact she is actually starting to go out and cope better than ever. By removing dinky before the rot well and truly set in you have probably greatly increased her ability to be able to continue going out and attending the clubs that she does. They need to think outside of the box, it is so frustrating when everyone else always think that they know best. Re sexualised behaviour Mollie was the same and she has never being abused either. I think that kids with PDA can be sexually aware at a younger age and then may display this behaviour to shock especially if it achieves a desired result. Moll would do things in the hope that it would keep people at arms length, get them to leave the house and to distract people from making demands. xxx

    • Thank you Jane,
      There was more to the report, on reading it a few more times, it seems that the first few pages are contact from school and integrated services to social services.
      In the actual assessment their concerns are not even mentioned in the ‘needs’ section, and the strengths section says I’m giving my all to Dinky.
      I think it just hurt reading that these people are willing to outright lie about my relationship with Dinky. I shouldn’t have expected much else as it seems to be more than just a coincidence that the only two professionals that said negative things were ones that I have clashed with, and refuse to work with on the grounds of their purposeful ignorance and unprofessional conduct.
      I’d rather The muppet write that my ‘behaviour has been ‘very strange’, than be as arrogant, ignorant and egotistical as she is.

      This meeting they are calling should be extremely interesting. By the sounds of it, they want the school to attend and have everyone there, including a paediatrician to explain a little about PDA (which I find hilarious considering they didn’t know what it was in July, as our Paediatrician has left), so that we can ‘clear the air’.
      I am already worried that I will not be able to hold my tongue in such a situation and that a lot of these services are going to go away knowing exactly what I think of them.

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