I wasn’t going to write today, however I am finding it very difficult to write my thoughts about tomorrow properly on word, but I am quite good at addressing the faceless someone that I write this page to.
One of the reasons for this that I spoke to the social worker ahead of the meeting.
I started off by asking who had said they coming and how the meeting was going to run, was it going to be like the TAC meetings.
Social workers boss
SN group leader
Local autism support person
Integrated services lady
Jr Muppet from the school
Education Welfare officer
Possibly someone from the SEN team and the new paediatrician but they haven’t got back to the social worker. She did say she tried to explain how important this was to the paediatrician, and hoped she would be there.
She said it was a mapping meeting, signs of safety.
I had no idea what this meant. She said we go through and discuss area of concern and areas of strength. Then a plan is made from there. She asked how I felt about it. I said I was worried that I would get angry with the school. I didn’t want to, but they have given me plenty of cause to be that angry.
She said that I am actually allowed to be angry, and that she knows I haven’t been happy, and I have made that very clear. I joked that I didn’t know if my comments were clear enough, and she laughed. we discussed other people attending the meeting and she said she had never done a mapping on this scale before, but because there was a history of those involved not communicating and having other ideas, it would be good to get everyone together and discuss this properly so that everyone is on the same page.
we spoke about the format again, and I said it sounded like her assessment but with more people contributing to the outcome. Which she agreed with. I said the thing that concerned me was the fact that some of the things we need to happen are being kept out of our reach by gatekeepers. So her next step of me having the space to work on my PTSD is not going to happen because every time I have asked for respite I have been turned down. She said she understood that and the most likely outcome was that we are allocated another social worker at level 4, which would be child in need, and that would be because of Dinky’s complex needs, and they would look at respite through direct payments. She said it wasn’t set in stone, that sometimes she thought a case was definite child protection and it turned out that they were wrong at mapping.
We got onto the school and the whole parenting thing. I said that I am sick of my mental health being used against me, and the school calling me ‘Very strange’ and saying my ‘mental health is a barrier’, and my parenting is a concern. I am sick of explaining why I am the way I am, in order to discount why Dinky is the way she is. She said she understood my feeling about this, but the only bearing my PTSD has on Dinky is when I am not doing so great. I said I was sick of the school finding ways to kick me and kick me again, even when they have got what they wanted and Dinky is not there, they still feel the need to stick the boot in. She said that them and the integrated service ladies’ boss were the only ones who ever said it was my parenting however the Paediatrician and other medical professionals say it isn’t you causing her needs, lets face it, The school are not medical professionals.
She said that everyone agrees that it is not parenting. She said she knows it is not me and that I am doing a wonderful job raising Dinky with the needs she has. She said she didn’t know if she could do as good a job as I have done in the same situation. She said that I have been doing a lot of swimming upstream and hopefully this mapping meeting would help.
I told her that I knew it wasn’t me, sure I wouldn’t win parent of the year, but I get really upset when people say it is my parenting as I try so hard NOT to be my mother. She said she has no concerns that I would hit Dinky. She said they need to help reduce the stress so that I would never get to the point where I am so stressed that I ask them to take her away because I think I might hit her.
It is certainly refreshing to hear a social worker getting it right. She really seems to have got the measure of the school, and has common sense. Which is a far cry from where we have been. It could have gone the other way, The Muppet could have convinced her it was me like she had the MP and the integrated services boss lady.
The muppet herself has actually managed to worm out of it. She knew she would get a bashing for saying she would ‘fix’ Dinky.
I’m hoping this meeting goes well.
I will let you know how it goes