Not a good day!

I think stressed was a good way to sum up how I have felt today.

It has been a trying time, and any time I have not been with Dinky as of late, I have been out of my comfort zone. Even with her, when we are out of the house, we are normally out of our comfort zone.

Today was the first time in a long time I have taken stock of that.

As it happened Dinky was not quite over the whole trampolining malarkey yesterday, so was not in the best of moods either.

The day started with Dinky just being in the most foul mood, irritable shouty, whining… by 11.30am I had just had enough! I had tried to get her into doing something- anything, but she wasn’t having any of it. She wanted to sit on the sofa with the dog and every time I took my eyes off her, I turned back round and she was doing something silly with the dog, whether it was pulling her paws, lifting the dogs head up, pulling her tail, sniffing or licking her (that’s dinky doing it to the dog, not the other way round!). It is enough to drive anyone crazy. Dinky DOES NOT learn! I don’t mean this in the ‘I’m a bad parent and cant be bothered to instil discipline in my child’, I mean that literally Dinky can not retain the information of not doing things she is not meant to. A good example is walking near our house, we have lived here for nearly 15 months, and Dinky always walks right on the edge of the path onto the grass. The grass is covered in dog faeces. So I say to her EVERY TIME we leave the house ‘Should we walk on the grass?’ Dinky says ‘No, Dog ickies!’, WITHOUT fail 5 minutes down the path I have to remind dinky about why we don’t walk on the grass as she is, again, walking on the grass. I don’t shout, when stressed I will get angry when I say ‘should you be on that grass?’. It is a simple thing, yet she has walked in dog faeces a few times when it has been on the edge, she doesn’t connect the two things.

Sky (our dog), is also to blame, she sometime growls at Dinky for pulling at her, but she stays on the sofa, when she has an old duvet lining the bottom of a large create for her to lay down in! I cant win, one day Sky will nip Dinky and then all hell will break loose. dinky wont leave Sky alone, and Sky is a daft dog who wont go to her bed to sleep!

In the end I shouted at dinky and sent her to her room to play with her lego!

I felt bad but, in that moment I was thinking about where her school uniform was, and how the school would react to just having Dinky landed on them, as technically, they were still responsible for providing her with an education!

It was at that point I had to mentally slap myself! I was NOT ever going to end her back THERE!
So I emailed the social worker who is supposed to be working on setting up the Child In Need meeting.

 Hi,

I know you are working on it, but we really need something in place soon… One trampolining session yesterday and today Dinky has been an absolute nightmare. I love my girl to bits, but I’m starting to consider putting her back at [school] I’m that desperate for support. Not that it would ever happen!

Is there any news on the child in need meeting?

Dinky’s mum

 

she emailed back

Ha ha – you must be stressed!

CIN mtg for 28th (weds) at 2pm in  library.  Would that be ok for you?  Probably be for an hour and hopefully the new social worker will be there….

How are you otherwise?

SW

It is great that she has a sense of humour, but I lost all humour at that point. Half term. It is hard enough to get child care in term time, but half term, I have NO chance! I don’t know how I am going to attend this meeting.

Then I got the email back from the SN group leader. Dinky wanted to go horse riding on the Friday of half term, she said that she didn’t want to go to the cinema AGAIN. For some reason Dinky nearly always gets the cinema trips and she wants to do something energetic, not sitting down and then going to mc donalds. Dinky only likes going to Mc donalds when they have toys she wants. She would much prefer to eat ‘green and white trees’ (Broccoli and cauliflower) than chips. Also lunch is late and not her usual lunch of pepperami, cheese, yoghurt, melon/apple and other not so healthy snack item.

What did Dinky get?

Cinema and Mc Donalds.

I have emailed the SN group leader and said that Dinky is not going.

Now, I know people will say ‘you cant be picky if you say you REALLY need repite’.

YES I CAN!

If dinky is not going to enjoy herself, why should I send her? If I am going to spend ages forcing her to get ready and to go out and then pay for it when she goes back, it hardly seems worth it, for either of us.

I’m also annoyed at another respite service that has got in touch recently. Apparently they would spend a good number of visits at home first. I don’t like that idea.

We have lived in this house for 15 months, the only people to have come inside are my dad, my old friend from Dinky’s playgroup with her two kids (they came round a total of 3 times), and professionals. I don’t like people to encroach on my personal space. Our home is our haven. I have nothing to hide, I am constantly putting photos on facebook, I don’t have a dirty house, sometimes it is messy, sometimes it is tidy, it all depends on what has been happening.

I don’t see why they have to come to the house and cant meet somewhere neutral, so I keep putting off the meeting. When either of us is struggling I shut everyone out and NO ONE but my dad comes through our door.

 

I then got a phone call from alternative education provision, they are coming out to the house on Thursday to discuss providing some form of education for Dinky until she gets a place at a school that can meet her needs. I don’t want them at the house. I don’t want them at the house for 1hr 15 minutes a day. I also don’t want Dinky in a PRU or similar unit until she goes back to school.

I cant explain any more than this is OUR space, to why I don’t want these people here. Dinky gets unsettled, and there are so many that want to come to the house. I’m not having it.

Right now I am tired, and I just want this nightmare to be over. I just want Dinky to be at a new school, for her to get her diagnosis next month and then we wont get so many visits to the house and I might actually get some time to recharge.

 

 

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Not a good day!

  1. I can completely relate to the not wanting to have so many “unwanted” people in your house. I’m the same way and would be reacting the way you are, however if you can find a way to have them there it might get things moving much quicker. I know I’m playing devils advocate here and I don’t want to upset you but they have a ridged black-white-box-ticking-no-grey-areas way of doing things so it is probably easier just to allow them to do the home visits in order for you and Dinky to get that help and support on offer quickly – meet them half way as it were. I’m here if you need me. X

    • Thanks Julia

      I do see what you are saying.
      I would never stop services that can offer real support, or get things moving for Dinky from coming in.
      But the alternative provision can’t do much… 1hr 15 trying to get dinky to put pen to paper and do what someone else dictates…. We all know how that will work out!
      The other respite provider is 4 hours a fortnight, if dinky and I can’t have them in the house it is not respite, it just turns into battles. I have read that I can swap shortbreaks (which this is) for direct payments, so I am going to see if I can get those hours added to Dinky’s direct payment hours.

      • Unfortunately the way the system works (wrongly) is that you need to allow them to come in and fail. 😦 It’s wrong, I know, but they need to see it for themselves. You know it won’t work, I know it won’t work but they have set-in-stone procedures and obviously everything works for all because we are all the same! (which we aren’t) – my advice would be to ask them to change the venue/setting to somewhere neutral if they refuse then allow them in and sit back and watch it fail, sadly at Dinky’s expense, then you will be able to PROVE that X doesn’t work. I think that adding the direct payment hours is a great idea – that could be a way round the whole pile of red tape. The needs of the child often come second to the box-ticking. 😦

      • The alternative provision is not a ‘must’, they don’t have to do it. It won’t look bad on me and it won’t be an issue with anyone. They just want to feel that they are doing ‘something’.
        Dinky can’t cope in mainstream and we are waiting for a special school. These alternative provision teachers are used to EBD not ASD so it will be a disaster, I’ve done it all their way, I’m putting my foot down until September.

        Again it’s not red tape for the respite, I could just take dinky off the list and it would be my loss and they would just offer the support to someone else.

      • It’s all so sad. 😦 Dinky misses out, and so do you for that matter, because they won’t offer what she needs and instead they offer the “standard” services. 😦 You’re right, EBD will be a complete disaster. It’s amazing the hoops we all have to jump through in order to get access to services that we pay taxes for in the first place! 😦 If I can help with anything then please let me know. I write a mean letter. 😉

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