The social workers manager

I don’t post in nearly a week and then do three posts in 2 days!

Unhappy with the social worker this morning, I felt it best to get in early and explain that I wasn’t happy.

Well I was NOT expecting the call that I got back from the social workers manager.

I was so upset and angry, that I didn’t take mental note of how the conversation went, so it might not make sense as bits are out of sequence.

Me: I was unhappy with the SW this morning, despite me telling her numerous times that she shouldn’t talk to dinky when dinky was upset as it will make it worse, she completely ignored me, and that led to me getting bitten, my hair pulled and to be kicked and punched as Dinky went into meltdown.

SWM: well, I am disappointed, there will be No changing social worker, if you have a problem we can iron it out and we will take things on board.

Me: well, that would be great if I had someone to have Dinky

SWM: well, I am surprised as the social worker is brilliant and very experienced

Me: so how many children has she worked with who have PDA?

SWM: she is very good at her job.

Me: so how come I had to do the running for the direct payments?

SWM: we have big case loads and we do ask you to find someone … Blah blah on a tangent ….

Me: that’s not what I am talking about, the people you will refer me to to help me have said that the social work team is supposed to work out costing, let me know how much it is, and I work with the direct payment people to draw up a contract and sort out insurance ect.
Like I don’t have enough to do, I have her statement which is delayed, her diagnostic appointment on Monday, I could do without having to work out how much I need to cover getting someone to have Dinky.

SWM: sometimes we have to ask parents to take on these responsibilities. Because you don’t have a partner unfortunately you have to do it on your own. But we are doing it

Me: yes finally.

SWM: well if you want to come down here we can discuss it.

Me: yes, but I haven’t got anyone to have Dinky, that is the problem! I’m so stressed out with it all, it is still going to take a few weeks! I feel lie, sending her back to that awful school just to get a break and get things done.

this is where it gets interesting… For you, for me I just wanted to reach down the phone and slap her! And I’m not violent!

SWM: you should send her back to the school, they would be delighted to have her back.

Me: no they wouldn’t, they may say that to you, but they excluded her 9 times in 10 weeks they have no idea what they are doing

SWM: yes they do they are the professionals

Me: pfft no they are not! 9 exclusions in 10 weeks and ended on a part time timetable- they can’t meet her needs, they also said they could fix my child!

SWM: you need to trust people, you need to work to getting little dinky back in school. You took her out, you need to take responsibility for that and live with that decision, that is why she is home all the time

Me: they can’t meet her needs!

SWM: you are making yourself ill and you have to take responsibility for that too. If you make yourself so Unwell who is going to look after Dinky?

Me: which is why we need support

SWM: and we have identified that and are in the process of sorting it. I am very disappointed, SW wants to work with you and I want to work with you but you need to decide whether or not you take that on, or we stop working with you completely.

Me: you have no idea how stressful it is

SWM: you need to learn to trust people to have dinky it is not healthy not to let her go.

Me: I have no problem letting dinky go with other people, she is going with her special needs group. And I would be happy to leave her for 9 hours with the person I have asked to take on the work of PA. It isn’t a case of not wanting to leave her, it is a case of the people having her being able to do it.

SWM: well, you still need to trust people. I have a meeting to get to. You decide whether you want our help, or whether you don’t.

I hung up the phone!

I cried my eyes out, and then was absolutely furious!

First of all, I am sick of professionals taking the schools word as gospel, she wouldn’t even be at school full time, she won’t be in a classroom and she would have an untrained 1:1 in a room you can barely fit a desk in!
Her teacher would throw a fit if she had Dinky back in the classroom.

The other point is that it has been noted WHY I don’t trust social services. I guess it is easier to blame me and get me so angry I tell them to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine than it is for them to do their jobs!

Why do I always find the muppets?


9 thoughts on “The social workers manager

  1. that’s amazing stuff! I snorted out loud when I got to the bit at the end! That woman and my lot up here must have studied from the same teacher! How to twist things round so it’s all the mother’s fault!. She was even blaming you for being single! Goodness, gracious me!

    • I had this conversation with my mental health worker before about always managing to find the most unprofessional ‘professionals’ although I do prefer to call them muppets!

      Yes it seems it is all my fault, it is only because the paediatrician was so forceful about dinky having PDA that they haven’t said it is completely my fault- behaviour and everything….

      I will go down there and talk to her face to face when I can get childcare and I will explain why I don’t trust ‘professionals’ and how we got to where we are, and show her the proof!

  2. You could make a complaint through the Local Government Ombudsman, it’s really easy to do online and he’ll look at wether the Social Services team have followed the law AND their own policies, it definitely sounds like they haven’t!

    • I may do that once the department of education have finished with the school!

      I have been told by the local county autism charity woman that I should write a book about how badly the whole process has been for poor Dinky, and how badly the muppets have done their job

      • Go for it, the number of people (and two years ago I was among them) who still believe SEN Departments have the child’s best interests at heart is staggering. I’ve found out exactly where the LEAs priorities lie and the children come LAST!

  3. How awful for you, I’m really sorry. There are some good SW out there…. Though it doesn’t look like the two you have been in contact recently are amongst them. I hope that things improve and you get some proper, appropriate support for you and Dinky.

  4. I can feel your frustration and anger and justifiably so. I do understand the frustration of dealing with Muppets and had a similar experience with one of my social workers. It may be worth taking a deep breath and giving yourself a day off from Muppets. When you feel less fraught perhaps you could write to the Muppet Manager of all junior Muppets and explain that when your child has been mishandled time and time again through not being dealt with by the official PDA handling strategies and you have been left to pick up the pieces that trust does indeed go AWOL. Incorrect handling and refusal to follow PDA guidelines and instead persisting with using traditional behaviour strategies, which has been the story so far from every professional involved with Dinky, have left you with a broken child who will only be further damaged by continuing to allow her to be exposed to people who don’t understand her. Dinky has been removed from school because it is in her best interest and in an effort to prevent any further damage and deterioration in her behaviour and emotional well-being. Trust, unfortunately, now needs to be earned from professionals because all trust has been eroded away. You would very much like to build up a relationship with the social worker and so perhaps she could read the PDA booklet (the one I put together) in order to gain insight into Dinky’s condition and how to handle her. While you appreciate that this may take about 45 mins or so it would go a long way to rebuilding some of the trust that has been ripped away by others. It would also give me confidence to know that this information has been absorbed and taken on board.

    You really need the support from SS and so I understand how bloody annoying it is but it may be helpful to approach them like a salesman selling a product. Charm them, baffle them with knowledge about your product, stroke their egos and sell them the concept of PDA. This is how I recently got M’s Psychiatrist who was also the ‘clinical director of CAMHS) a PDA believer,he’s bloody retired now . It’s easy to do when your calm but not so easy when you are drowning and you keep getting your head shoved back under the water every time you come up for air. If you feel upto it though it may be a good way forward to get them onboard xxx

    • Thank you for your support Jane, it means a lot x

      Like you say in hindsight I was rash and probably could have handled it better, however, they reason they have identified a need is because we are struggling, and I am stressed and suffering sleep deprivation. They should be more understanding and less confrontational themselves, I have been blamed for pretty much everything, and as I said to Truth, I’m sure if the paediatrician wasn’t so confident about it being PDA I would have been blamed for her behaviour too. X

      • They are a load of bloody muppets hun. Yes they should be more understanding but muppets don’t have real brains or hearts. I so understand your pain and frustration and I speak from personal experience of being desperate and being handled like shit with no respect from those who should be helping me but instead find it easier to judge. Remember you a lion just like me and a lion carefully stalks its prey and will eventually move in for the kill. Your day will come but you need to skilfully play their game their way and then whip their arses when they are least expecting it. xxxxx

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