I am her warrior

I think recently I have come to realise just how little I am my own person. Since I found out about PDA I have become what Dinky needs me to be.

I am her advocate
I am her stability
I am her comfort blanket
I am her warrior

I am also her plaything
I am her pawn

I am no longer me.

While I don’t resent Dinky for this, as I still feel an overwhelming love and pride in who she is and PDA is a part of her very fabric of being, I do feel a little lost.

Dinky is 6 and she needs me to be all the things I am for her. Right now she needs a warrior, a battle ready warrior willing to negotiate the battlefield that is education Heath and social care.

We have won one battle…. Dinky has a diagnosis of PDA, and we needed that in order to sort everything else. But the battle with health isn’t over… We have the ADHD question mark now… So I have to figure it put for myself while trying to get the statement for education finalised…
I spoke to the SEN team yesterday, they have Dinky’s diagnosis letter, but they want the full diagnostic report before they will remove BESD from her statement. I don’t see why. The social communication team and the ed psych said she had PDA, and have PDA strategies… The school were the ones who said BESD, so I don’t see why they need the full report seeing as the diagnosis is confirmation in itself. She hasn’t been diagnosed with a BESD condition- RAD, ODD ect. She has been diagnosed with a social communication disorder.
So more waiting, more chasing, more sword swinging!

Meanwhile trying to deal with muppet social worker who hasn’t got a clue.
The poor SN group leader was called another name by the social worker because she doesn’t listen.
She also said dinky STILL has BESD as there is cross over… NO THERE ISNT!

Some people say that autism has all of those issues. These people do not know the actual medical/education definition of BESD.

BESD is described as

Early childhood experiences can have a major impact on later development, with the lack of a positive attachment to an adult being seen as particularly detrimental to some children. Whilst social circumstances can also impact on development, parents are the biggest influence on a child’s development. Children who experience family difficulties, including parental conflict, separation, neglect, indifference or erratic discipline, are more likely to develop BESD.

From the priory group

Eileen Sheerin offers six top tips for managing young people with behavioural, emotional and social difficulties without confrontation

“When we refer to behavioural, emotional and social difficulties (BESD), what exactly do we mean? BESD is when a young person cannot manage her emotions, and is often anxious, scared and misunderstood. The young person may have had early life trauma, been a victim of abuse or even suffered the effects of alcohol or drugs before she was born.”

From sen magazine


Autism is a neurological condition.

The behaviour difficulties associated with BESD are completely different to the challenging behaviour seen in autism. The violence seen in BESD students is different, it is an anger issue which can be worked on- I should know, I was a very angry child and adolescent, I overcame my anger issues. Autism can be accompanied by violent meltdowns, these are NOT the same as anger issues. Meltdowns arise when an autistic person has reached the limits of what they can withstand.
The social difficulties are not the same as they are with a child with BESD, I do not understand the social difficulties in children with BESD, but I doubt their social difficulties come from a lack of ability to understand the social rules, but more likely to be disregard for them- more ‘I don’t care’ than ‘I don’t understand’. It is a big difference.
I haven’t a clue on the emotional side, but I’m guessing the difference again is in understanding. With BESD it would be not being able to control their emotions, whereas with autism it is a lack of understanding.

More than anything autism is a communication issue. I’m not talking about speech. I’m talking about actual communication in any form.

This is not BESD.

Until this is sorted I’m never going to be my own person. I’m going to be carrying around the armour swinging the sword in both defence and attack trying to plow a path for dinky so that she can be free to learn, grow and have the support where it is needed.

I am her warrior… That is what dinky needs me to be, and that I shall be.

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