Trying to work a way forward, and I think I preferred not socialising.

It is difficult to find a way out of this mess with education. I am so angry because had they finished her statement on time, then Dinky may have got a school place in a school that understands PDA for this September, but finding a school place for a 6 year old girl is really difficult, as some schools, especially independent/ non maintained special schools, seem to start from 7, because we all know, hit 7 hand that is when autism kicks in…. (Rolls eyes massively).

I’m starting to think the only way forward is to have her home for a year while I wait for her to be old enough to attend a special school that might understand her.
However both social services and education would have to get their fingers out and support us properly. Especially as I don’t know WHAT to try to do with her. We have been doing lots on animals and dinos but we can’t do that from home. I have to take her to experience it first hand. We have to go to museums, zoos, sealife ect, we can’t do it from books, it is not interesting and doesn’t grab her attention- she becomes really avoidant as the learning aspect and therefore the demand, is so much more obvious when doing book work or fact finding.

We can’t do animals and dinos forever.

Also I need help to meet the identified needs. She needs a sensory diet for me to follow, she needs help with her fine motor skills, she needs social skills lessons, and she needs help learning how to express her emotions in a safe way. I can’t do that. I am not trained, I am not am expert. I know dinky, doesn’t mean I know OT, SaL, and I am no teacher.

In regards to socialising, I have found far too many people to be fake, I also don’t see why anyone would lie to make out their child is autistic, nor do I get why people won’t say to peoples face what they say to others. Life would be far easier if people were honest.

It makes it hard to trust anyone.

I think I am better off by myself. No one can hurt me or lie to me if I don’t give them the chance to.

I just don’t get people!

3 thoughts on “Trying to work a way forward, and I think I preferred not socialising.

  1. Knowing Dinky supercedes ALL else. That understanding of her makes you the very best therapist/teacher she could have. You’ve seen how well ‘trained’ staff do, right? Do you seriously think you could do worse? I don’t think so!
    You’re feeling overwhelmed and angry. You have a right to. But you should never feel that you are ‘not enough’ for Dinks. You are more than adequate.
    I think waiting the year is a sensible idea. Better that, than another ‘not quite right’ placement failure. Gives you time to really do your homework to make an informed decision and prepare.
    Another full year at home is a daunting prospect I know but it might be the best option you have. Good Luck! xx

    • Thank you for your reply.

      In truth, I have never felt I am enough for dinky, just about adequate, and dinky is so awesome,she deserves the very best, I am not that.

      I’m scared I’m going to screw it up, or that I will not be able to cope and end up making her life hell purely by accident, already we have days where I can’t help but give her direct demands because I am so tired.
      Even at the moment, I feel 9 hours respite is not enough, and I feel bad for wanting her to go off for longer, but 16 hour days of walking on eggshells, trying to use indirect language and facing the avoidance of little things, can be really frustrating… It’s a good thing I love her with every fibre of my being, because I really wouldn’t have coped otherwise!


  2. I’ve read your blog for a while and I think you’re awesome. From what I’ve read you are more than enough. She reminds me very much of my kids but she makes mine look easy. Home ed for a year may be the answer and I do get how will you do it? I often feel the same! But will it be harder than the wrong school? Only you can know. Just wanted to say you do get Dinky so obviously and I know what it’s like to feel rubbish about yourself and the pros often add to that feeling!! Hang on in there your best will be good enough.

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