I have been going to see a counsellor recently (this time I’m paying due to NHS cut backs and their idea that somehow 6 sessions of ‘talking therapy’ is all that is needed for everything), she is lovely. A few days ago however, she said something I have not been able to get out of my mind.
She called me a super mum for taking Dinky to the farm a couple of times and to legoland this half term.
The thing is, I don’t think I’m doing anything special or super.
I’m taking Dinky out to places she might enjoy rather than being stuck at home. Boredom is not great for any child, but for an easily frustrated, hyperactive, impulsive and sensory seeking child, it can be much worse. My nephews drive my sister in law round the bend during holidays because they are bored and one doesn’t have any additional needs, the other is slightly delayed so has some additional needs but at 3 they aren’t much more than a typical 3 year old. It is completely selfish as I just can’t cope with a bored Dinky!
I would rather drive for 30minutes to an hour to somewhere, push her round in her chair or buggy and do something fun. I love seeing her smile and I love hearing her laugh. I love watching her get really excited and sitting next to her on rides as she squeals with delight at the sensory input she craves. I want to see these things rather than put up with the trashing of the house and constant redirecting and/or screen time. (For the record, I don’t have an issue with the use of screen time, it is just Dinky’s idea of good things to watch and mine are so vastly different, I think I would break all the screen in the house so I wouldn’t have to watch her watch them)
That does not make me supermum.
It makes me Dinky’s mum. All kids are different. Some kids can’t face the outside world and their parents do just as much, if not more to keep their children happy and content.
I think of fellow parents in the PDA groups and I still don’t see super parents, just what parents should be, we love our kids so we fight for them and advocate for them and take down everything that gets in their way. We don’t do anything above what a parent should, and just because some don’t, or don’t need to, doesn’t make those that do super.
I don’t do crafts with Dinks, my house is only ever ‘properly’ tidy when we have visitors, (which we do not get often), I can’t stand her fascination with the YouTube videos by FGTV and Hobby kids TV (actually I’d do daily visits to theme parks to never hear those two channels ever again!), she doesn’t get hearty home cooked meals (because 1. I can’t cook them and 2. even if I could she wouldn’t eat them). See I don’t even manage the more typical stuff.
Some people see this