Genetics not parenting!

For those that follow this blog regularly or for a long time-you will know already how much I struggled in the beginning to get Dinky’s needs recognised. 

I was at a social care innovation meeting yesterday and the idea was brought up that I go on the video explaining the assessment process- I don’t have an issue being filmed in the general sense, but I do worry about people’s inability to see past appearance. 

I felt that people may think it wasn’t a child disability assessment service because I am often seen as a parent who would have other reasons for a social care assessment- like what the second school pulled.

I have mentioned before that I am seen as a ‘chav in a hat’, maybe not quite so much anymore since I swapped my Nike trainers for walking trainers, my typical baseball cap for a Harry Potter one with a ‘military’ style shape, and sometimes wear fleeces instead of hoodies, but the hoodies I do have are not sports brands anymore. It is sad that I felt I had to alter my apperance because people were judging my parenting and dismissing my daughters needs based on it. 

I will never forget both mainstream head teachers, not so subtly, remind me that I am working class and ‘less’ than them. 

That is me, and I’m ok with that, but when that is instantly used as a reason for a child’s struggles to the exclusion of the evidence before them… Well, that is NOT ok! 

I remember the feeling when I went back to the school with Dinky’s ASD-PDA diagnosis. It was brilliant! It was proof that my parenting was not the cause- the chav in a hat is capable of decent parenting. 

I will have to admit that they were right on one count…. it is my fault Dinky is ‘the way she is’ but not in the way they thought….

genetics- not parenting. 

5 thoughts on “Genetics not parenting!

  1. All so true, parenting always gets the blame. My daughter is a single mum, her first child sadly died at birth therefore it must be all her fault. She jumped through all the hoops of parenting classes. Eventually he got his asd/pad diagnosis. Sadly some people still don’t believe it!

    Sandie Davis


    • It is wrong that people still don’t believe a medical diagnosis.
      It just doesn’t make sense because parenting can’t – actually can not- cause the majority of autism traits… It’s madness!

  2. How sad we can’t dress how we wish without being judged. Your blog has helped me so much with my 4year old boy who has now been diagnosed with Autism/PDA.
    You are very articulate and I’m sure there would be a great career in this field for you in the future.
    I take my hat off to you dealing with a child on your own with Autism/PDA I’m married and as a couple we find it extremely hard.
    What a lucky girl Dinky is to have you for her mummy. You are amazing and don’t ever let anyone tell you any different.

    • Thank you for your reply.

      Yes it is sad that people judge others by appearance.
      I’m glad the blog has helped (sometimes I just think I’m ranting at nothing and then I get lovely feedback and think I may need to tone it down a bit 😂)

      I think being a single parent is just different. I don’t know any other way of doing it as I’ve always been on my own with Dinky.

      Thank you, I think we are both lucky- Dinky is amazing and I couldn’t ask for a better kiddo 🙂

  3. I can really relate to this! I am also a bit…ahem…chavvy and live in a “socially deprived” area so my parenting is the first thing that comes into question.
    When actually I think the reason my daughter passes so well is because of my parenting! (Ok that may not be true but it’s what I like to tell myself)

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